from the universe, duh
it’s the classic boring question we get from people who don’t work as a creative – it’s also a question some creatives don’t like to examine too closely, for fear of disturbing the mystic process by which their ideas arise
Read More
the Protagonist, as played by Hayley McLaughlin, Deena Unverzagt and Taryn Manning
to date, my 3-page script, You’re Early, has been successfully produced three times – you can view the shorts here
Read More
okay – let’s begin by clarifying a couple of things
this is a description of a workaround process i cobbled together to address my particular situation at the time – i’m sharing it because some people may find it useful – this is not me saying, this is how it should be done, because of course we all want screenwriters to read our screenplays – but the problem is, there are a lot of us who don’t know any screenwriters – or at least, we don’t know any professional screenwriters who we respect and trust … and who would be happy to spend their valuable time reading our screenplay
we may know, or at least be in regular contact with, a bunch of unproduced screenwriters … but how much do we trust them? – and by that, i’m not accusing them of being script thieves or the like – heaven forfend! – rather, i’m talking about trusting their opinions on screenwriting
because that’s the problem, y’see: they have opinions on screenwriting – or to be more precise, they have opinions on how they would write a screenplay … which is all well and good for their screenplay, but may well be disastrous for your screenplay
we’ve all seen the ^helpful^ comments from fellow wannabe screenwriters when some crazy-brave writer uploads a page or more for feedback – sure, there are some who know their stuff and can separate themselves from their ego long enough to deliver some useful commentary … however the bulk of the commentary is worse than useless [1]
you know the types – the genre bigots who obviously don’t like the genre you’ve written, but will go on to tell you what you’re doing is wrong – or alternatively, there are the genre purists, who will explain to you how you’re not fulfilling the needs of the form – the done beforers who will identify one element of your script as being not original, and then go on to claim the whole thing is derivative, hack work – the PG13s who will clutch their pearls at any depiction of sex (no matter how justified), or rant on about there being too many fucking f-bombs and why-oh-why must people talk like people? – the beancounters who will criticise a script for being too expensive, particularly for a wannabe screenwriter (which maybe valid career advice, but has nothing to do with the quality of the script) – and of course, the rule nazis [2]
and let’s be honest – i think we can all admit that we’ve all been at least a little bit guilty of one or two of these … and so, if people as honest, generous and knowledgeable as ourselves can’t be trusted to give a useful opinion, then who are we to trust?
problem solved! – right? – sure, as long as you’ve got the money for it
well, i thought so – at first – so i tried the Black List – and being a fan of the scientific method, i didn’t do it just once, but three times on the exact, same script – the results were … mixed – which is what you’d expect, what with “art” being subjective blah blah blah – however i found the feedback in the evaluations to be vague, contradictory and not of much use – now this might well be because i’m an egotistical moron, but i’ll let you be the judge – you can read the evaluations and my comments/questions here (the post contains some other bits-of-business, so you’ll need to scroll down to the second image to read about the evaluations): REVIEW OF MY THE BLACK LIST EVALUATIONS [3]
now this isn’t intended to dis the Black List or any other business offering a similar service, or even professional readers in general – but from what i’ve read on teh facebook and elsewhere, this appears to be a common issue across all such services – with no real solution in sight
side note – since writing the first draft of this post way back 2022 (i’ve been busy, okay), things have become slightly more shit, with the introduction of Generative A.I. – so now, we have two additional concerns – one, that our script won’t even be read and/or reviewed by an actual human being (leaving aside issues of whether or not the human knows what they’re talking about), and – two, our screenplay being scraped to train some piece-of-shit plagiarism bot
another side note – slightly off topic – this is more about getting your script discovered, than getting feedback on a draft – the people at ScriptHop have something called the Gauntlet in which you submit your screenplay (and logline, hook & short synopsis) to be read by seven (7!) industry insiders – now these insiders are only required to read the first 20-pages, but if they like what they read, there’s no rule preventing them from reading the whole thing – and then, all being well, your script can be escalated up to the next level in the Gauntlet etcetera and so on – now there’s lots of bells-and-whistles within the process, too much to get into here, but if you’re vaguely interested, click on the link for the full presentation – personally, i think it’s something worth considering … if you are in possession of a completed script and US $380 (which is about $570 if you’re living in the land of Oz) – and there’s the rub – while i currently have a few “completed scripts” i’d like to see “gauntleted”, i don’t have a spare couple of grand lying about to invest in it
disappointed with the lack of actionable feedback, i was reminded of the research we’d do in my old job in design and advertising (we’ve all done things we’re not proud of) – if, for example, we were developing a new design for a can of beans, TV ad, or whatever, we would present the client with a number of options, from which a short list would eventually be selected to be put out for research – the research subjects were, of course, not designers or advertising people or marketers, but a selection of people from the target market
many studios do something similar, holding test screenings of (almost) completed movies, before releasing the final cut out into the market
and so i decided i needed to draw upon one of my most precious resources: friends and family …
yeah, yeah, yeah … i know what you’re thinking – what the fuck do friends and family (F&F) know about screenwriting?! – to which i answer: hopefully nothing
because i’m not interested in learning what they think about structure or formatting or wotevs – that’s my business – it’s up to me to get that shit right
i’ve spent years (decades!) reading screenplays, reading how-to books and blogs, watching how-to videos, listening to pods … all the while writing pages-and-pages of screenplay … if i don’t know how to put a scene down on paper by now, then i should cut my losses and go find another passion [4]
however what i am interested in is, are they entertained?
everything else is secondary – everything else can be fixed (usually) – but if the story doesn’t entertain, then you’ve got nothing, zilch, nada
and entertaining someone over the two-or-more hours it takes them to read a script, is no small task – to keep someone who has never read a screenplay (with its weird formatting and ugly font) interested and engaged, is really, really difficult
sure there are other things, details, i want to learn from my readers, but these are all related to trying to figure out how to make the screenplay work better and so, hopefully, be more entertaining
but F&F will tell just tell you what they think you want/need to hear, you’ll say – and this does happen and is an issue – which is why i’ve tried to create a process that seeks to minimise the chances of this happening … and, if it does, hopefully helps me to identify when it is happening – the fact that I know these people, helps
the process is broken up into about six stages (there is some overlap):
• selecting my readers from among my F&F
• requesting their help
• briefing and education
• delivering the screenplay
• the interview and getting feedback
• thanks
selecting my readers
not everyone in my F&F group are both up to the task and willing to help – some may be enthusiastic to help, but (say) aren’t into the sort of thing i’m writing [5] – while others may be omnivorous cinephiles, but feel that they aren’t knowledgeable enough to be of assistance – and others are just too damn busy
i also need to select people with whom my relationship is both open and secure enough for them to be honest with me – a difference of opinion over a draft screenplay is not something worth losing a relationship over
i want at least three different readers and preferably more – in the past, i liked to have at least six or more
and i try to select people from among my F&F who have different life experiences, different interests etc – this can be difficult and is something i worry about as an old, white, cis male – not because i’m trying to be “woke”, but because i am (within the constraints of the story) trying to write for the widest audience possible … small-minded, reactionary dipshits excepted
side note – since 2021 i’ve run this process seven times on full-length feature scripts, and a few times on various short scripts – over that time, finding willing readers with enough time, has become harder – that’s probably my fault – i got greedy and asked for input too many times – so, i’ll be a little more judicious with my requests in the future
requesting help
once i’ve got my list of readers, i gently sound them out to see if they may be interested – i don’t ask them directly, but instead drop the need for readers for my script into conversation – if they’re interested, then in most cases they’ll volunteer without needing to be asked – but in some cases i may need to encourage them with something like, “you’re into this kind of stuff, i bet you’d have a really interesting take on this” – if they perk up and show an interest, all good – but if they don’t respond, i move on to another topic
now there’s a couple of reasons i don’t ask them directly – one, to avoid “ambushing” them with the need to make a decision, and – two, there’s stuff they need to know before they can make an informed choice … and a casual conversation is not the place for it
(this is in the case for first-time readers – obviously repeat readers know what they’re getting into)
if they do show an interest, i thank them and let them know i’ll send an email with some details [6] – i tell them this is just for their information, and if they’re still interested after they’ve sobered up, and have read the email, to let me know
here’s a version of the email i send:
i used to write “2 HOURS”, but very few people could complete the read in that time (and so felt embarrassed) – i also found that very few people could find the time to read the screenplay in one sitting – i put this down to the fact that Courier (even John August’s excellent Courier Prime which is free to download) is not the most readable font when compared to (say) Georgia, which this is set in – but also because the screenplay format itself is quite awkward for newbies to deal with
when the reader has completed reading the script, they (plus assorted partners and kids where applicable) will be invited over for lunch or dinner as my way [7] of thanking them for their time and consenting to be interviewed about it – it also reduces the pressure on the interrogation chat, because we are now meeting (for the most part) for a social meal … with the script discussion being relegated to something that happens before the main event
briefing & education
in my experience most people reply “yes” to the email, but you do get the occasional person who backs out for various reasons
i’ve provided both hardcopies and PDFs of the script for my readers to read – the first two screenplays went out as a hardcopy in a ringbinder – and the next ones, due to covid, went out as a mix of hardcopies and PDFs – each format has its pros and cons
as noted above, the screenplay comes with a “briefing document” inserted before the script – you can download it here – and feel free to use it as a template for your own briefing document, if you’re interested
it’s a five page doc comprising of:
• WELCOME and thanks
• WHAT TO DO – instructions on how to read the script
• THE CHAT – explaining what to expect when we meet to discuss the script
• THE SCREENPLAY FORMAT – in which i explain how scripts are laid out and what the various elements do
the document is (i hope) all about making the reader feel appreciated, relaxed and suitably prepared to handle the task of reading a screenplay – it seems to work
delivering the screenplay
as it is the reader who is doing me the favour, i try to impose on their time as little as possible – which, in the case of hardcopies of the script, means delivering them by hand or posting it to them – when sending out PDFs via email, i’ll follow it up with a call or a text to tell the reader about the email … just to ensure they don’t miss it
I tend to give my readers a month or two to find the time to read the script – everyone’s busy and life gets in the way – that said, after a month or so, i do followup on those readers who haven’t gotten back to me, to see “how they are going” on the script read – the usual response is apologies and promises to get onto it next weekend – this usually does the trick, but occasionally another “how they are going” call may be required … i usually don’t ask a third time, unless the reader makes it really clear they want to read the script, but just haven’t got around to it
in my experience, these laggards sometimes provide the best feedback – their failure to get the read done sooner being due to them wanting to do it right, rather than just getting it done
and yes, the waiting can be frustrating – however, the time spent away from the script is beneficial, allowing me to put some “distance” between myself and my precious baby – and so (hopefully) enabling me to see it more clearly – this, and it allows me more time to work on my other projects … i believe we must always have other projects
the interview and getting feedback
i try to get the interviews done as close together as possible, so it’s easier to get a feel of the overall vibe from my readers, but this isn’t easy – particularly you don’t want to make readers wait too long between them finishing the script, and the interview – impressions, even when supported by notes, tend to fade
i create a ‘unique’ questionnaire for each screenplay, based on a standard template i knocked together – you can download it here – and feel free to use it as a template for your own question guide
it begins by asking for a score out of five (i allow fractions) and ask if the story is something the reader would normally watch – this is followed by a question asking if the logline (included with the script) accurately reflects the story they’ve just read
i then ask the reader to recall what worked for them and, after answering that, what didn’t work for them – this can be anything: the premise, a scene, characters et cetera – i let the reader answer anyway they like, because it helps me get a feel for what stood out to them
i then go through a list of the major characters and ask the reader to describe them in three words – the word limit is new, but i find it helps because it frees the reader from needing to think in sentences – often there’s more than three words, and that’s okay – when there are a lot of minor characters, i try to lump them together in organic groups like, “the townspeople” and ask followup questions to try and tease out some details
the next item covers the major sequences, where i ask for the reader’s impressions, and sometimes try to drill down to specific elements – different sequences tend to have different purposes, so these questions vary from sequence to sequence
then there’s table where i can note the page numbers where the reader has made notes in their copy of the script – while this is about me creating a reference to help me find their notes, it also leads to comments and discussions around why the reader made the notes they did – stuff people usually find easier to talk about, rather than writing it down
and finally, there’s the theme question, where i ask, what was the story really about – this sometimes needs explaining, particularly with new readers, as their responses tend to be a shortened version of the logline – without trying to lead them, i ask about what is the meaning of the story, or what lesson is it trying to teach – explaining that i am not asking for an essay, and that it could be as simple as a word
now this process isn’t foolproof and i’ve tripped up occasionally when using it
one thing i have learned to avoid is, to not correcting the reader when they get something ‘wrong’ – or at least, not until the questionnaire is completed – reasons include:
• if they got it wrong it’s probably because of my writing (which is valuable to know)
• correcting them can make the reader less forthcoming with their answers, and
• correcting them can confuse the reader’s understanding of the rest of the script, even if their ‘mistake’ doesn’t impact it
i have found that it’s okay to confess to confusing the reader after the questionnaire is completed, and explain what i really intended – most readers take this on, and then spontaneously revisit our previous discussion, adding comments and additional feedback
it’s not in the questionnaire, but just to be clear, i never ask readers for fixes or ideas – their job is to tell me their reactions and to help me identify any glitches – that said, if a reader does come up with a cool idea, i will make note of it, so that later i can try and see if it works
thanks
some readers worry they were to harsh – some readers worry they didn’t have much to contribute – some readers worry that they missed something major – and some readers are happy it’s all over, despite having fun – to all of these readers i give them my sincere thanks and reassure them that any negative feelings they may have, are entirely my fault and it’s not a reflection on their abilities … only mine
and then it’s “party” time, where the conversation quickly turns to things far more interesting than my screenplay
as i said, i’ve been through this process seven-ish times and in every instance, it has helped me toward a better script by helping me identify what works and what doesn’t – this is not always due to the actual feedback i’m given – sometimes it’s because of what doesn’t get said
[1] needless to say, this is just my opinion – mileage may vary
[2] if i’ve missed any, please let me know
[3] if you’re interested, you can find links to the screenplay in question, here
[4] i would recommend that you hone your on-the-page skills to the point where you feel relatively confident with communicating the experience of watching a scene before burdening your F&F with the chore of reading a full screenplay – of course, your scene work won’t always be successful, but that’s why you have people read your script, to find those (hopefully rare) instances where it doesn’t quite work
[5] people don’t have to be huge fans of your genre to provide feedback, but they do need to be relatively open-minded
[6] email is probably best because, as you can see, there’s a fair bit of info to convey
[7] when i say “my way”, i don’t mean to imply that i have anything to do with the magnificent meals my partner prepares for these occasions
inch by inch, step by step …
two years since my last blogpost – two years since my last update on The Journey So Far – i’d like to say a lot has happened, but that’s over-egging it a bit – that said, some progress has been made, but of course, not as much as i’d like … I guess some people are never happy
so, for those of you interested, here’s the update
let’s start with yesterday (240423), when i posted an ad across a bunch of facebook groups that seem to be of interest to producers, investors, directors and such like – i doubt if this will amount to anything, but what the hey, right? – the ad is for my screenplay, The Last Discovery – i’ve advertised it before, but this time it comes with a PITCH DECK
Pitch Decks, we’re told, are a “must have” in this day and age, as people just don’t have the time to read screenplays – and, apparently, they don’t have the money to employ staff to do it for them
i based my Pitch Deck format on a document put together by ScriptHop which you can find here – they’re hoping to create a standard for the industry – which is a nice idea – and while i found their book useful, i ended up modifying their approach slightly, in line with my experience in creating presentation documents and brochures, back in the day
i’ve created Pitch Decks for all five of my completed feature film scripts – a process i found to be both gruelling and boring [1] – this was despite the occasional flash of insight or inspiration, which would then make me go back to the script and make some minor tweaks
i will be advertising these five scripts on facebook and instagram over the coming weeks – i’ll let you know what happens – hopefully before another two years pass
for the rest of this post, i’ll refer back to PART 3, and note what’s happened since
yes, i’m still dabbling – slowly, slowly i’m making … what’s the word? … contacts? – no, that’s maybe too strong – more like people who you nod at, after briefly making eye contact during your morning commute – still, it’s progress of sorts
I did get pretty active during the AWG strike in the U.S. – mostly posting a series of 24 quotes from actors, directors etc about how important the script is – i posted these in various screenwriting groups, as a show of solidarity and whatever – and was saddened (but not entirely surprised) when the posts got pushback from people who wanted to be, and in some cases actually were, working screenwriters – wtf?
three of the twenty-four inflammatory posts
then, because i’m a sucker for punishment, i posted a few graphics around the word “content” and how it denigrates the efforts of all the creatives in the screen-story business – and once again, i was saddened (but not entirely surprised) when i received pushback from some writers saying we shouldn’t get too hung up on WORDS ... seriously?
i mean, referring to movies and series as “content” is like referring to people as “human resour—” … oh, wait
– the first panel reproduces a quote by the fabulous Emma Thompson
btw: if you’re interested in an extended rant on why “content” is such a noxious word, i suggest you watch Patrick Willem’s essay here
in my faltering efforts to, uh, “network” i tried Craft Services – Craft Services claim they want to create a “dynamic, diverse, and unprecedented community of talented new screenwriters and writer-directors from all over the world and to help them launch their creative careers – for free” – sounds great, yeah? – and i found nothing to suggest that they weren’t totally legit and sincere
... so, maybe the timing wasn’t right, but i found their primary way of communicating to their community, via a Discord server, to be too overwhelming – that said, there seemed to be a lot of enthusiastic people there, so maybe i’ll give it another whirl when i have the time
as i mentioned, i initially gained their attention through my script Rain Dogs – for the last year or so, we have, in between their other projects, been working on a feature script
they currently have the second draft and, when they’re done with post on their latest project, i’ll be expecting their feedback – fingers crossed!
the last feature script i released was Hairy Man Creek – this is the “low-budget creature feature” i mentioned in PART 3 – like The Last Discovery, this is me trying to keep the costs down to a dull roar – which means the creature is only seen at night, and only in the last ten pages
i should also mention i’ve completed nine shorts, ranging from 3-22 pages – the shortest, You’re Early, is also the most popular, and has been produced three times (twice in the U.S. and once in Germany) – to date, it has won one-or-more awards at eight festivals – another short, Thirty-Seven Dollars, has been turned into a radio play by First Read Radio
in addition to the script i’m writing with the producer/director, there are:
Oubliette (mentioned in PART 3) – this still needs to be completed – by which i mean, i need to delete a bunch of stuff and cleanup a few issues – not a huge task ... and then it’s “just” the Pitch Deck to do
U.S. producer project – is still on hiatus
another creature feature – written with a partner a few years ago, it has now been resurrected and, after some discussion, hopefully needs only a quick rewrite and a polish ... and the Pitch Deck to do
evil landlords feature – have most of the outline sorted, just looking for a killer ending
and then there are the three old scripts i mentioned in PART 3, that have the potential to be turned around relatively quickly ... so there’s plenty to be carrying on with, before i start sifting through my stack of new concepts
the site seems to be growing nicely and, unlike ScriptHop (see below), occasionally attracts some eyes to glance my way – that said, most of the eyes are interested in my shorts, rather than my features – but at this stage, any interest is better than none
particularly when the interest is a positive review – here’s one for my 5-page script Thirty-Seven Dollars, and here’s one for the 22-page Ghost & Zombie
i also try and contribute to the site by sharing a blog post or two, and wading into the forums every now and then … although i must say, the forums are almost the opposite of Craft Services’ hectic Discord server, with people dropping in a comment or question, every a week or so … i like to imagine it’s because they’re all too busy writing
the ScriptHop honeymoon is over – it is now a subscription service that i can’t afford – particularly as i never got much in the way of traffic, through them – thankfully they published their “how to write a pitch deck” book, so that (in my eyes) more than covers the loss of their service
in PART 3 i listed a few of my posts that may be more interesting to writers than the one you’re currently reading – at the moment i have no new ones to add – however, i do have a few in development, and i hope, by noting them down here, i’ll be compelled to complete and post them:
Eleanor Roosevelt – her quote, “great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people” prompted me to muse upon our current focus in storytelling, on emotions, particularly those of the individual, and wonder if it’s limiting the kinds of stories we can tell – and in turn, if this harmful to the art form, and society at large
Gilligan’s Island – in which i pitch an updated version of the beloved 60s sitcom, but make it WOKE AF ... and fold in a sci-fi element to help “explain” why they could never be found
Rating Horror Movies – here i try to get around the issue of how some horror fans fixate on one metric or another, when deciding if a movie or series is “good” – and in the process, confine and reduce what horror stories can be – making themselves, and the genre, poorer in the process
Readers – in which i explain how i use non-screenwriters (mostly friends) to review my scripts, and why
Weird – here i discuss how it may be possible to make weird (in the literary sense) movies and series, that could appeal to broader, mainstream audiences
so that’s it for the moment – best of luck to all of you
[1] boring because i’ve already written the story, and now i’ve got to tell it again, but in a weird, chopped-up format … it feels a lot like having to explain a joke, and I worry about killing the frog
can’t stop now, this is bat country
this is the long-belated third post in my series: The Journey So Far
you can read the previous posts here where i discuss the “release” of Rain Dogs and here, in which i discuss the three Black List reviews i purchased for Rain Dogs – this was almost two years ago, in July 2020
so what’s been happening? – asks no one
let’s see, let’s see ... perhaps the best way to start is to begin by addressing some of the stuff i mentioned in the last TJSF post
so, i’m still dabbling around on facebook and insta (as teh kidz say) – but i’m not a fan
my involvement (which may be overstating it) is, when i come across something i think others may be interested in, i share it – and when i write a blog post, i share a link to it – in either case, i get a handful of likes, a comment or two (which often miss the point) ... and that’s about it
my hopes of “meeting” some like-minded people who i could have a conversation with has, to date, not come to fruition
with screenwriting groups, i guess i also had some vague hope that i might learn something from them – but this didn’t really happen – i may have picked up something, some useful snippet, but if i did, i can’t remember what it may have been
... now i think about it, i probably did learn about a couple of script hosting sites and stuff like that, via screenwriting groups – but i don’t think i learned anything about the craft of screenwriting ... but then, i have been dabbling for a long, long time
overall i find the screenwriting groups a tad depressing and tedious – you can only read so many posts or comments from Save-the-Cat fundamentalists, Final Draft evangelists and script-competition hustlers before you get seriously disillusioned with the level of discourse in many of the groups
and this is not a dis on the moderators (well, not all of them) who have the unenviable job of trying to keep things civil and on-subject – although, in their unending quest to keep things nice, they do sometimes stumble – like when i posted a link to an article inspired by Don’t Look Up which discussed how to write a story about a hyperobject, and it was taken down because it was deemed to be “too political” – like it’s even possible to write something that is apolitical
so what we end up with is question-after-question from people who have never read a script and, apparently, don’t know how to use a search engine – plus endless, useless debates over “we see” and “directing on the page” and whether it’s okay to type “FADE OUT” at the end of a feature script
arghh!
that said, i’ll be posting a link to this post on facebook and insta, so ...
things have progressed with the producer/director who was attracted to Rain Dogs – however it’s still languishing in want of funding – so i did what they suggested, and wrote a (slightly) cheaper movie
The Last Discovery is a cosmic horror story set in the Australian outback – the producer/director praised the script, but said, “it wasn’t for me”
now i know what you’re thinking, isn’t IWFM code for “the script is shit” – well, yes, sometimes it is ... and, in my many dark moments, i thought the same myself – however the fact that we are now working together on an original screenplay suggests that they may, in fact, have been sincere
since releasing Rain Dogs and The Last Discovery out into the wild, i have also released The Abbey and, most recently, Pursued
The Abbey is a hugely extravagant take on Poe’s “The Masque of the Red Death” set aboard a floating city in the near future – i love it, but am under no illusions in regard to it ever being produced in it’s current form
one option would be to make it cheaper, like animating it an anime-like style – this would also make depicting the orgy scenes less tricky
or alternatively, given the richness of the setting, we could go the other way and extend the story into a limited “event” series
Pursued is a story about getaway driver trying to escape across the desert while being pursued by murderous bikies, corrupt cops and a strange, ravaging monster – think Predator meets Mad Max ... but before society collapses and we all start wearing S&M gear
there’s the screenplay i described in TJSF - Part 2, as taking place in a unique, alien dimension – titled Oubliette, it is >this close< to getting done – but it needs some tweaks to a few character interactions etc, before i can share it with my readers – but given how expensive it would be to produce, i’m thinking my time may be better spent working on:
• low-budget creature feature – another spec script
• producer/director project – as noted above
• U.S. producer project – see subhead below: “Script Revolution”
of course, you can’t have been dabbling for as long as i have without having a few scripts mouldering away in a bottom draw somewhere – you often read how writers go back to their early screenplays and cringe at their awfulness and, I must admit, there are some cringey aspects to these old screenplays, but they’re certainly not that bad that they can’t be be saved
so, in addition to the above, i have: the one set in a Siberian diamond mine in which a spoiled heiress discovers she is “the one” – the one about the scientist who duplicates his consciousness onto a computer and then wonders if “he” can be trusted – and – the one with a marsupial super hero who learns that her creator is also the villain
in short, story ideas ain’t the issue – time is … oh, and money – money is also an issue
this is a website where you can host your scripts for free, or you can pay a small yearly fee to support the site and get the extra benefits of being a “RockStar” (which i do)
i won’t spend time spruiking [1] Script Revolution here, so go to the site and check it out
it was on Script Revolution where my 3-page script You’re Early was found by Mark Hensley who turned it into a fantastic little short that has won a couple of gongs and got me a listing on IMDb – whoop! whoop!
two other directors, one in Germany and one in India, also found You’re Early on Script Revolution and asked permission to produce versions in their native languages – to which i said, YES! – which reminds me, i must touch base and see how they’re going ...
Script Revolution is also where an American producer came across The Last Discovery – they liked it enough to ask if they could shop it around, to which i said, YES! [2]
then, after some back and forth, they then asked if i’d like to look at a short script they had, for the purposes of turning it into a feature – once again i said, YES! – over the next week or two, we bounced emails and texts back and forth until we got to the point where we were both happy with how the concept was shaping up – we are now at a stage where i can begin outlining the script ... once the paperwork is done [3]
ScriptHop is another site where you can host your scripts for free ... with the added ability to create “packets” of pitch documents including character bios, visuals etc for a monthly (!) fee
i was an early adopter of ScriptHop [4], when it was ALL free and, as the new pricing structure is relatively recent, i’m not sure how many of the bells and whistles my free plan still includes [5]
the idea of script packets sounds interesting and worthwhile, but i found creating the packets very time consuming ... that said, structuring the info did occasionally reveal stuff i missed or suggest ideas that could improve the screenplay, so there is that
currently i have Rain Dogs, The Last Discovery and The Abbey hosted there – i will, when i get some time, set about creating the packet elements for Pursued
to date i haven’t received any nibbles via ScriptHop
back in mid 2020 i saw that Impact had teamed up with Netflix and were looking for large scale action-adventure film for all audiences – i had something partly-written, that filled the brief and spent a week putting together all the info required ... needless to say, it disappeared without a trace
not all my blog posts are dreary recitations of what i’ve done – some are actually about stuff – below are a few of them:
• Pulse-o-meter Analysis of Classic Horror Movies – in which i “analyse” seven classic horror movies and discover that they tend to get scarier toward the end – includes downloadable PDFs
• The Screenwriting Iceberg – in which i argue the screenwriting iceberg is an inversion of the classic iceberg
• The Screenplay Skeleton – a rant
• Horror Fans: A Taxonomy ... of sorts – in which i describe the six different types of horror fan
• Comparing screenplay structures – eight gurus and eight screenplay structures – who got it right? – includes downloadable PDF
• Alien Empress – my pitch for Part 5 of the Ellen Ripley saga
• In praise of partners – not screenwriting partners, the other ones: POWs (Partners Of Writers)
• the toxic myth of ‘Lord of the Flies’ – in which i wonder, is the Humans Are the Real Monsters trope actually causing HARM?
• Picturesque Dialogue – a neat little exercise to help you find your characters’ distinct voices
[1] spruik – (Australian) to sell or promote – from spruiker, the ladies and gents who used to (and probably still do) stand outside certain stores and yell about the high quality and low prices of the merchandise therein
[2] at the time of writing i’m awaiting for the paperwork, to make our agreement official
[3] see [2]
[4] i learned of ScriptHop through Script Revolution, who aren’t afraid to “share the love”
[5] ... ah, just checked, i’ll have access to the bells and whistles until January 2024! thanks, ScriptHop!
Jean-Honoré Fragonard’s Rococo masterpiece, The Swing – how would your characters describe what they are seeing?
to clarify, this is not a call for more florid, stylish or mannered dialogue – it’s about letting your characters find their voices
it’s probably an old trick that’s regularly inflicted upon writing students everywhere ... but as i haven’t come across it in my travels, let’s just pretend i invented it
we’ve all heard the ole adage, “a picture is worth a thousand words” – but one could also say that there are (at least) a thousand different ways to describe a picture [1]
and each “way” reveals something about the “describer”
the words they use, and how they use them, can reveal their cultural background, personal history, class, education, biases (both those they’re aware of and those that they are not) ... and much more
find an image, any image – then present it to each of your characters and have them describe it in as little or as much detail as “they” feel it requires
for the most useful results, it’s best to use the same image for all your characters – the point of the exercise (or at least, one of the points of the exercise) is to help you differentiate between various characters’ voices – and that is best done when they are all responding to the same input
my mistake – of course, some images are more productive than others
for instance, a photo of a bowl of fruit, will probably not give you the feedback you require – on the other hand, an image of something that is too confronting or strange may also cause issues, as your characters struggle to process what they’re seeing
here’s a couple of examples
for a screenplay set during the Great Depression, i showed the characters a picture of the Hindenburg disaster ... something that hadn’t yet happened at the time of the story – their responses were shocked and muted – the spectacle and horror of the image tended to flatten out or homogenise their responses
“interesting”, i thought
so then, for shits and giggles, i presented these same characters with a photo of a summer day on Bondi Beach in the 1970s – men in budgie smugglers [2] and women in string bikinis – here again, the “extreme” nature of the image, at least to rural folk living through the Great Depression, caused some issues
most of the characters were, to some degree, shocked by the casual display of flesh, and so were unable or unwilling to describe what they were seeing in much detail – this didn’t negate the point of the exercise, and it did reveal some useful stuff, but the image limited or constrained what i could learn …
it was then i realised that you may need to prompt your characters with some specific questions
which then lead me to ask, “who is asking the questions?” – because, i realised, the characters’ answers could be very different depending on who the questioner is
one of the characters, a young ruffian, did not want to describe the Bondi Beach image to a woman or his employer ... but wouldn’t shut up when when asked to share the details of the image with his peers
another character, a hypocritical old biddy, was also shocked to silence by the “outrageous” scene ... but like the ruffian, when presented with the right audience, she was more than happy to hint at the salacious details in an appalled whisper with the good ladies of the local Bible society
so the above became an “advanced technique” – a way to examine in more detail what characters think and feel, and how they express these thoughts and emotions to different audiences
this is something you may need to do with your main characters, but for most of the other characters, you can probably find their voice(s) using:
the “basic technique” requires the image to be “generally acceptable” to the characters within the world they are living in – and, in addition to this, the image, like parfaits and onions, needs to have layers
the image above is a pretty good example of what you need
i chose Fragonard’s The Swing as the image for this post simply because, to me at least, it is very “picturesque” – and so it worked with the title [3] – but on closer examination, i discovered it does provide the viewer (your characters) with a lot to process and describe
from the outset, there will be differences
some characters will refer to the image as a picture, while other’s will call it a painting, or an old-style painting, or even a Rococo painting – some may replace the word “painting” with terms like, “piece”, “work” or “composition” – a few may know the title, or the artist, while others will think they know, but then get the name of the painting and/or the artist, wrong
from your characters’ first words you will begin to see (hear) variations in the way they think and speak ... and they haven’t even begun to address the content of the image and what it’s attempting to convey
even if most of your your characters ignore all the arty stuff around colour, composition and technique – the setting and choreography of the scene lends itself to any number of interpretations ... all of which will reveal aspects of your characters
did the lady on the swing know the bloke in the bushes was there? – why is he positioned there? – is he a Peeping Tom? or is this some kind of “game” they’re playing at – and what of the other guy, pulling the ropes? what does he think of all this? – is he a friend, a servant?
and so on – whatever answers your characters give to the above, these will lead to other questions and opinions re class, social etiquette, gender, sexuality and the physics of pendulums
and, even when your characters address the same questions and agree on the answers, the words they choose to use in doing so, will vary and, in turn, reveal their distinctive voices
as noted above, the “advanced technique” is a way to examine in more detail what characters think and feel, and how they express these thoughts and emotions to different audiences … but what happens when characters think and feel stuff, but decide not to mention them?
luckily, you are these characters (at least, in part), and so you know when they’re holding something back … or even more revealing, know when they are lying
this is where the technique slips from a simple dialogue-enhancing-aid, to a deeper, character-revealing exercise
confronted with The Swing, a character may be reminded of a tragic accident when a rope swing broke while someone close to them was swinging out over a river – or the sight of the bloke in the bushes may call up disturbing memories of being stalked – or conversely, the character may find themselves relating to the voyeur (if that is what he is) and so, embarrassed, will go out of their way to avoid addressing that interpretation of the scene
it may even be something as simple as your character not using the word, “Rococo”, for fear of being seen to be a bit of a poindexter or art nerd, which could negatively impact upon the persona they have been cultivating
so there you have it – show the same picture to your characters and ask them to tell you about it – simple and effective – how much you choose to learn, that is, how deep you decide to go into your characters, is up to you
[1] yet another reason why screenwriting is so feckin hard
[2] budgie[4] smugglers aka “Speedos”
[3] Picturesque Dialogue, is probably the opposite of a “click bait” headline (click repellent?) – no budding screenwriter wants to have their dialogue described as picturesque ... it reeks of naiveté and self-indulgence
[4] budgie aka budgerigar: a small gregarious Australian parakeet which is green with a yellow head in the wild. It is popular as a cage bird and has been bred in a variety of colours.
we are all taught that Scottish bacteriologist, Alexander Fleming ‘discovered penicillin’ via a happy accident – what is less known is that ten years later, it was Australian scientist, Howard Florey, who put together the team who actually turned Flemings’s chance discovery into the antibiotic that has saved millions of lives around the world
occasionally, while working on a screenplay, you’ll include something that wasn’t planned, but works so well that, if asked, you will feel a strong desire to lie and pretend that “The Bit” in question was the result of a lot of hard work and deep thinking ... rather just being a happy accident
there are innumerable ways this can happen, but here are two of them from my recent screenplays
i had these monsters – bad attitude, vicious beak, ripping claws, invisible most of the time – so far, so scary
but the problem was, they couldn’t just be (invisible) alien spider-vulture-bears[1] – they needed to have a touch of the uncanny – there needed to be something about them that would both freak the characters out (and hopefully the audience as well), while also strongly suggesting there was something more to these creatures ...
and, whatever this “uncanny something” was, it needed to be simple and visual
i didn’t know what it could be, and so rather than spend a lot of time trying to figure out what the hell it could be, i came up with placeholder idea that sort of functioned the way i thought it needed to
and so, as a placeholder, i had the monsters lay their dead victims on their backs, legs together, arms by their sides – and, just in case that wasn’t strange enough or clear enough, i had the monsters construct a small cairn on each of their victims’ chests – (the cairns were made from four objects the monsters scavenged from their surroundings)
i wasn’t completely happy with this scenario, but i thought it worked well enough as a placeholder until I came up with a better idea ... or at least, that’s what i thought
but then the placeholder idea kept doing cool stuff that went beyond the original brief, like:
(spoilers!)
• the make-up of a cairn helps the heroes confirm that someone is in league with the monsters
• the breaking-up of a cairn is used to summon a monster into a trap, and
• one of the heroes builds a cairn on their chest to “play dead” and so avoid being attacked
none of these were part of the original requirements for the “uncanny something” – but once the placeholder idea was added, it kept finding ways to be useful
so, what started as a quirky way of adding to the monsters’ weirdness and setting up “the big reveal”, also became a way of making them more interesting and complex than your usual, run-of-the-mill invisible, alien spider-vulture-bears
i was building a multi-national cast of characters and needed a couple of Europeans – i didn’t want the usual French, German, Italian or wotevs – so, on a whim, i nominated one of them to be Latvian
the character was youngish and (i decided) a bit of a “metal head” – when i was dressing them for their introductory scene, i gave them the mandatory tattoos, black jeans and t-shirt ...
but the word “t-shirt” was sitting all alone on its own line – not an effective use of realestate – now i could’ve deleted the word,”t-shirt”, but that didn’t feel or read right
so i thought i’d add a bit of “colour” and give the t-shirt a design – i looked up Latvian metal bands and “Eschatos” caught my eye ... except it didn’t sound particularly Latvian
after a quick google, i discovered Eschatos was also the name of a scrolling-shooter game released for the Xbox 360 back in 2011 ... okay, quirky i guess, but it wasn’t what i was after
after some further scrolling i also learned that eschatos is the Greek word at the root of: eschatology
eschatology (as i now know) is, to quote the Oxford dictionary:
the part of theology concerned with death, judgement, and the final destiny of the soul and of humankind
now as the screenplay was about the end of humanity (fun stuff!), i was pretty thrilled that one character would now be wearing a t-shirt referring to the End Times!
for a moment, i felt like the universe had seen what i was doing and thought, “Let’s throw this guy a bone and let him know he’s on the right path.”
but then i remembered that the universe is both purposeless and soulless – and this tiny moment of serendipity was just another meaningless, chance occurrence in an infinite series of meaningless, chance occurrences
... but the Eschatos t-shirt stayed in the screenplay
[1] because “invisible, alien spider-vulture-bears” are, like, so banal
ah, Agatha Trunchbull from Matilda – always makes me nostalgic for my Year 8 English teacher … such an inspiration
i received some feedback the other day that suggested i remove “writing for fun” from my bio/blurb thing – so, after some thought, i decided to delete the offending words – problem solved!
however, the advice did kind of bug me – and this is not a dis on the giver of the advice, as they were simply highlighting a rather common sentiment in today’s world:
that is, that tasks performed without the (immediate) prospect of financial gain are seen as being intrinsically of less importance than those tasks performed for money – and so, the “reasoning” goes, these tasks must then automatically be performed with a lower degree of care and/or focus on quality
those of us who work on our passions in our spare time – be it writing, visual arts, crafts, music or whatever – more-often-than-not bring far more energy, creativity and focus to our “hobbies” than our mere paying jobs could ever hope to see
the fact that we find performing these difficult, time-consuming tasks, fun, would, in a less insane world, be seen as cause for praise ... and not something we should be hiding
[yes, there are those who do stuff for FUN who do not give it their all – but i’d argue the percentage of people half-arseing it is no higher than among those who do stuff for CASH]
okay, the headline may be a bit OTT – and the chain of thought (“reasoning” is too strong a word) that leads to my question – “Is the trope of “Humans Are the Real Monsters” harmful to our society?” – may be a bit dodgy ... but i’ll let you be the judge
i recently read this article: 8 things about Lord of the Flies you didn’t learn in high school – and it reminded me of when i read LotF in high school – our teacher’s take on the story was a little different to that described in the article[1] – sure, the message was still along the lines of “people are monsters”, but our teacher pointed to Golding’s Catholicism and the idea of “original sin” – that we are all born corrupt (and this was in a secular, government school!)
okay – at the time i found this take more-or-less “reasonable” – not the “people are monsters” thing, but the idea that this was what Golding was trying to say ... i mean, it’s what our teacher told us, so who was i to argue?
but now, i find the article’s position – that LotF was a parody of the “Boys’ Own Adventure” style stories popular at the time, as well as a broader satire of the British upper class – far more believable than whatever variation of the Standard Reading we were taught in school
the article touches upon the real-life LotF event that was far different to Golding’s story – IRL, six boys from Tonga survived on an island for over a year before they were rescued – maintaining their fire and even setting a fracture when one of the kids broke an arm – all the while managing not to become some weird death cult – which sounds lovely, but doesn’t sound very cinematic
because cinema, we are told, requires constant conflict – and a bunch of kids getting on with the day-to-day slog of survival while dealing with their (relatively) minor interpersonal conflicts would soon become a yawn
a writer dealing with the above premise, would either need to invent a series of new, external conflicts – storms, wild boars, the island becoming a volcano, etcetera – or, they could simply fall back upon the old trope of, “Humans Are the Real Monsters”[2] – and so have the kids fight amongst themselves or, have outsiders visit the island who (naturally!) just happen to be “monsters”[3]
now storms, volcanos, and even wild boars, are not cheap – and some of these may even, depending on the setup, appear a bit unbelievable – like, what are the chances that the island the kids are marooned upon, just happens to be a dormant volcano?
but people being arseholes, behaving like monsters? – sure we can all buy into that! – if not from our day-to-day lives, then certainly by the stories we consume – be it news (if it bleeds, it leads) to entertainment (from traditional, fictional narratives to “reality shows” which are cast specifically to create conflict)[4]
trying to write something full of drama and stakes without the “Humans Are the Real Monsters” trope is really, really hard
say you have this brilliant premise, like, ahhh ... one day, all the world’s electric toasters become sentient, seize control of the electrical grid and plunge the world into chaos!!!
genius, right?! – but then you’re slogging through the second act and things start becoming a bit too repetitive – what to do? what to do? what to do?
easy! – just introduce some humans who behave like “monsters” – y’know the type, humans who are paranoid and aggressive and dangerous and (usually) nonsensically self-destructive – problem solved!
of course, you may want to provide some semblance of a rationale for why these humans are “monsters” or at least, behaving like monsters – but there’s no need to try too hard, because the assumption is that audiences already understand, “Humans Are the Real Monsters”
now i’m not saying these humans don’t exist (Exhibit A: The World Today), but they are far more prevalent in fiction than they are in reality – we knows this, because, as bad as The World Today is, we understand that it would be far, far worse if “Humans Are the Real Monsters” were the rule, rather than the exception
sure there are “types” of human who are more prone to behaving like monsters than others ... nazis, billionaires, TV evangelists and so on – but these “types” are not the common people that are often called upon to be the face of the “Humans Are the Real Monsters” trope
i was mulling this over when i was reminded of a conversation about how people of certain age are so easily hoodwinked by online scammers – people who grew up at a time when, if they were in need of assistance, would think nothing of going to the nearest Gothic mansion on a hill and ask to use the phone – or conversely, wouldn’t hesitate to offer a stranger and his chainsaw a lift to the next town ... the sort of people who would’ve told their children, “If you need help, just go ask an adult.”
this world was not that long ago – i’m sure that most of my peers were given the same advice as me, and were told to “go ask an adult” ... something that today, sounds dangerously irresponsible
which got me thinking, when did this idea that “Humans Are the Real Monsters” come into being?
based on my admittedly limited grasp of the history of cinema, literature, and so on – i’d guess the trope began its rise during the Cold War – the same period when LotF was first published (1954)
WW2 and the horrors it brought certainly played a part – evidence that “normal people” could, if not actually commit, then at least condone, truly monstrous things – no doubt shook the public psyche
but the ongoing growth and longevity of this trope suggests that there’s more to it – below are are a few ideas that attempt to explain why the “Humans Are the Real Monsters” (HARM) trope is so ubiquitous in screen storytelling:
• as mentioned earlier, the HARM trope is often easier to write – strangely, audiences will accept the most baffling behaviour by other humans[5], but will expect a detailed rationale for why the giant ants are rising up against us
• also, as mentioned, the HARM trope is often cheaper to produce – it’s much less costly to have two groups of humans punching-on, than to have humans battling giant ants (or even zombies, as season after season after season of The Walking Dead has clearly demonstrated)
• the HARM trope helps to atomise society, ensuring that The Powers That Be (TPTB) face little likelihood of a coordinated pushback against their many and varied depravations
• the HARM trope helps conceal the true nature of the issues facing us – if audiences accept that “Human’s Are the Real Monsters” is the answer – then their response to various outrages will tend towards a world-weary shrug and a, “eh, whaddaya gonna do?” – a far more preferable response for TPTB than having people stop and actually examine the systemic mechanisms that drive humans to behave in such a monstery fashion
now you’ll notice that the first two “explanations” are relatively pragmatic showbiz solutions to telling a story on screen ... and that the second two “explanations” lean more towards the tinfoil-hat end of the spectrum with their suggestion that TPTB, if not explicitly championing the HARM trope, are at least happily benefiting from its widespread use[6]
which brings me to the question – irrespective of whether or not the HARM trope is some nefarious society-hacking scheme by TPTB or not:
Is the use of the HARM trope detrimental to our society?
no need to answer right away – have a think on it – or not
finally, i’ll leave you with this quote from renowned sci-fi and fantasy novelist, Ursula K. Le Guin – while not directly related to the question above, it does address one aspect of it – the “requirement” that stories have (interpersonal) conflict[7]:
“Well, to preach that story is conflict, always to ask ‘where’s the conflict in your story?’ – this needs some thinking about. If you say that story is about conflict, that plot must be based on conflict, you’re limiting your view of the world severely. And in a sense making a political statement: that life is conflict, so in stories conflict is all that really matters. This is simply untrue. To see life as a battle is a narrow, Social-Darwinist view, and a very masculine one. Conflict, of course, is part of life, I’m not saying you should try to keep it out of your stories, just that it’s not their only lifeblood. Stories are about a lot of different things.”
– Ursula K. Le Guin
[1] holy shit! – i just realised that i actually remembered something from high school English! ... wow, i wonder if any other “learnings” will resurface over time
[2] fyi: my take on the trope is a little different to the description given on the site TVtropes – as per my LotF example, i don’t think you actually need aliens, giant bugs, zombies or rampaging robots for the underlying concept of the trope to apply – you just need a BIG PROBLEM that is complicated and/or made worse by humans “behaving like monsters” – i.e. filling the role of an(other) implacable and unreasoning antagonist
[3] Gilligan’s Island Syndrome – in the beloved 60s sitcom about marooned castaways, on the few occasions where outsiders actually visited the island, they were always “monsters” who refused, for one reason or another, to help the castaways escape the island – sure, it was a silly sitcom with coconut-powered radios and such – but the point is, the writers, even then, fell back on a version of the “humans are the real monsters” trope to make their job easier
[4] if any producer for an international streaming service is reading this and is interested in a global event “reality show” idea that can only be done once ... drop me a line
[5] like, why in the James Bond franchise, are Blofeld’s employees so willing to fight to the death? – what’s their motivation? – i mean, they may all have “very good” reasons for putting their lives on the line (mass brainwashing?), but these reasons have never been explained
[6] okay, there’s another reason why the HARM trope maybe getting the play it does – the belief that it reflects the real world – that writers who use the HARM trope are being honest (brave, even) by injecting a harsh dose of reality into their fictions – i don’t believe it’s true, but these writers may actually believe it is true ... and for that, i feel sorry for them
[7] yes, i do understand that screen and text narratives have different strengths and weaknesses which may account for the HARM trope’s current “popularity” in screen entertainment
![The marvellous George Booth nails it in this panel from way back in 1970 [1]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b5d59d7cef37214def2f914/1589530398447-PP9JY4649S3SEN1R32EG/George-Booth_sandwich.jpg)
The marvellous George Booth nails it in this panel from way back in 1970 [1]
i should clarify that i’m not talking about writing partners – i mean the other kind – those poor sods who, through often no fault of their own, find themselves in the role of a screenwriter’s significant other
let’s call them Partners of Writers, or POWs
a POW’s role is dull, complicated and awkward – and they don’t get near enough the amount of thanks they deserve
below are some examples of the shit POWs have to put up with:
TWO JOBS
this applies to those of us who are wannabe screenwriters – but then, i’m pretty sure no full-time screenwriters will be reading this
when we announce to our partners that we’re going to try and become a screenwriter, most soon-to-be POWS simply give a half-bemused smile and say something vaguely encouraging ... little do they know what trials await them
but they soon begin to suspect
the first clue is when, what they’d naively assumed was an idle daydream, metamorphises into A SECOND JOB! – a job that does not pay, but can, from time to time, cost actual money
sure, we may pretend to ourselves that it’s “just a hobby” – we may even tell our POWs the same thing – but our POWs soon learn this is a pathetic lie – how? – because they know us
they’ve seen us deal with our day jobs and so, when they see us responding in much the same way to our so-called hobby, they know something more sinister is going on – the familiar pattern of ups and downs they’ve seen us experience re our day jobs are repeated – but now they are intensified – the ups soar high into the cosmos, while the downs crash deep into the darkest nether regions of Tartarus
our POWs understand that no mere hobby, or at least, no healthy hobby should create such dissonant reactions
and yet we unwittingly expect our POWs to simply sit back and extend the same consideration to our new screenwriting job as they do to our real job – y’know, the one that actually helps keep the roof over the table where the food is meant to go
of course, we don’t ASK our POWs to do this – we’re not that self-absorbed (no, really!) – but we don’t have to – and so our POWs support us in our second job, all the while wondering if us learning the bagpipes would not have been a better alternative
NOT ALL THERE
you may be familiar with the expression, “golf widow” – there have been articles written about this affliction, but the pain and suffering these “widows” endure are nothing compared to that of POWs
because even when we are there, physically in the same space as our POWs, our minds are often elsewhere – sometimes it’s triggered by something someone says, or something we see, but more often than not, it’s just the random firing of neurones and then, without even being aware of it, we’re off, working at our second job
and so there we are, our brain busily working away, until suddenly, we feel it – the air around us chills … we look around and find our POW eyeing us with a weary expression that says: oh, great, you’re back ... how much did you miss?
IT’S JUST LIKE
now there are some screenwriters who can wax lyrical on a wide range of subjects – drawing upon examples and parallels from the vast swathe of human experience and knowledge (including their own vivid lives) … and then there are the rest of us, who automatically use movie and show references to “illuminate” our discussions
discussions that often have absolutely nothing to do with movies or shows [2]
these discussions (i’m told) can be just as profound and technical and personal as conversations about movies and shows, but, for some reason, dropping in an insightful reference from (say) The Golden Girls or Hereditary, can completely derail the conversation and cause the other participants to look at us as if we had just farted
eyes will move from us, to our POW – unasked questions hanging in the air: what the fuck does that have to do with anything? followed by: is your partner okay? and are they always like this?
our POW will then, depending on the room and just how crazy we’ve been driving them lately, either – heroically try and restart the conversation as if nothing unseemly had just happened – or simply be honest and say something like: ignore it, they think everything is related movies and shows … which, while factually true, is delivered in the tone of someone explaining their toddler’s recent fixation with the cat’s anus
TO READ, OR NOT TO READ
some POWs read their partner’s work and some don’t – i’m not sure who has the easier time of it – but a decision needs to be made, and whatever the choice, it will be incorrect – our POWs cannot win
by deciding to not read our pilot for Space Court, our POWs will worry that we will think that they don’t care about our dreams – that they don’t take our screenwriting job seriously – and, that they think we are delusional
of course we don’t think that – it’s perfectly fine for our POWs to not be into screenwriting – i’ve been told that very few people are – plus, our POWs have got their own shit going on – it’s not like our POWs worry about our lack of enthusiasm for their deep fascination with … with … something to do with pressed tin toys? … or was it permaculture?
so let’s assume our POWs inform us they have decided that reading our pilot is not their bag – it still doesn’t entirely let them off the hook – because a part of them will wonder if they may be missing out on part of who we truly are (not necessarily a bad thing) – or that they are sort of being unfaithful
this is where we must reassure, nay, convince! our POWs that their decision not to read is both appropriate and right – thus freeing them of all responsibility ... and ensuring they never become aware of the fact that the slime creature from Kritar VI coincidentally shares a number of characteristics with their close friend from high school
but what if our POWs do choose to read?
whatever their thoughts at the time, our POWs will soon realise their mistake when we present them with our pilot for Space Court and eagerly begin explaining screenplay formatting to them
but talk of sluglines and parentheticals will seem simple and quaint when our POWs finally realise what we are really asking of them – we’re asking them to be read our Space Court pilot and give us their honest opinion – our POWs are usually not writers and some may not even be regular readers, but now they have agreed to sit in judgment of our feeble, little Brain Baby
and so they read, while we pretend to move on to other things – and then, what feels like months later, our POWs quietly announce they have finished reading
we struggle against the impulse to immediately shine a bright light in their face and interrogate them – instead we adopt an offhand attitude: oh, cool, what did you think?
well aware of their lack of expertise, our POWs gently detail their impressions – what they liked, what they didn’t – where they were caught up in the story and where they were confused, or worse, bored ... plus (of course) a listing all the typos they stumbled across
we put on a brave face – we tell our POWs that if they didn’t get something, it’s not their fault, but ours – but sometimes they don’t fully believe us, thinking, if they had only “read it better” then the problems wouldn’t be there
and this is when our POWs are reading a genre they usually enjoy
it is even worse for our POWs when they are forced to confess that, actually, they are not fans of sci-fi ... or courtroom dramas ... or parodies – and so, try as they might, they really couldn’t get into Space Court … but it seemed fine
we get it – we sympathise – we tell them we understand that “it was not for them” – once gain, they may not fully believe us as we hug them, thank them for their time ... and their list of typos
STREAM SOMETHING! ANYTHING!
what to watch, what to watch, what to watch – why is it that while we are being swamped by a tsunami of quality choices, we spend hours shuffling through options, only to flick over to YouTube to watch an essay on the evolution of forks?
we find it annoying – but we can only imagine how fingernails-down-the-blackboard irritating it must be for our POWs, as we scroll and flip through the screens in our fruitless search – wasting our time and theirs
and it is time that is the issue – we have our day jobs, our screenwriting job and all the other shit that’s going on in our lives, so finding the time can be difficult – and so once we’ve carved out a slice out of our day, that time is precious … particularly if we’re choosing to spend that time with our POWs
so what to watch? do our POWs like the same genres we do? – they do? cool! problem solved ... except they suggest a show that goes for nine, 12-episode seasons and we really can’t make that sort of commitment
okay, our POWs say, how about this movie? – terrific! ... except the movie is a little too close to what we’re currently writing and we don’t want our characters being influenced (tainted) by those in the movie
and so it goes – we bounce around searching for something (as our POWs idly surf the socials) until, in desperation, we end up on YouTube and our POWs look up for a moment and say: that documentary on forks looks interesting
IT COULD BE WORSE
i mean – it’s not like we’re experimenting with amateur taxidermy in tiny apartment with poor ventilation (well, not yet) – but it doesn’t mean living with someone with borderline monomania is a picnic – the constant (puerile) focus on movies and shows, the mood swings, the mental absences … it can’t be fun
and so, on behalf of all screenwriters with a long-suffering POW, i’d like to thank them for their perseverance, patience and support – sometimes it may seem that our entire world is all about screenwriting, but be assured that you, our dearest POWs, are the centre of our universe
and if, one day, dear POWs, you do snap and become (the gender appropriate version of a) nympho-lesbo-killer-whore, know that we will still love you
… now, having said all that, we have this draft for a Space Court spin-off we’ve been working on – it’s called Undercover Slime Monster and we were wondering if you’d be interested in reading it?
[1] i’ve often wondered about the trike parked beneath the window – does it belong to one of their kids? – my first reaction on seeing it was that they were renting a holiday house while Gus completed his opus, and so the trike belonged to the owners of the house – but Ethel’s monologue strongly suggests that this is their home and not some temporary arrangement
but then, Ethel makes no mention of any other souls sharing their ^domestic bliss^ … I mean, in her scenario, who’s going to look after the kids when she’s out busy being an NLKW? – not Gus (assuming he’s still alive), he can’t even make himself a sandwich! – imagine him trying to deal with the kids’ dietary demands!
of course, I may be reading way too much into this, maybe Mr Booth just felt he needed to fill the space – but why a tricycle? – look at the details, the choices he made in this panel – the vintage typewriter table, the toothpick with olive (or possibly a pearl onion) skewered into the sandwich, Gus’s slouched pose and frustrated expression, Ethel’s deadpan delivery – this doesn’t suggest someone who just slaps a trike into a drawing for the heck of it … no, there’s more to this
[2] i know, it’s hard to believe, but conversations that do not revolve around movies and shows do exist – in fact, i’ve heard tell that there are people (living today!) that can go for weeks without once referring to movie or a show – it makes one shudder to think of it!
a tiara for an empress … yep, that’s how much thought i put into this
before we start, let me follow Kelly’s advice and deliver the hook at the very top:
got it? – good – now back to the original post
okay, so i’m going through one of those shitty, “why even bother” phases
i’ve got two (three? ... no, two) screenplays at a point where the next rewrite should put them in a position where i can send them out to be read by a few, trusted friends ... but “why even bother”
it’s all pointless etcetera and so on ... as pointless as (say) pitching a concept for a fifth instalment in Sigourney Weaver’s Alien saga
but let’s do it anyway (at least i’m writing something)
i made my first notes on this concept way back in 2001 – before Prometheus and the other one – and way before Neill Blomkamp’s failed attempt to get his “sequel” up – and way, WAY before Walter Hill sent Ms Weaver a treatment (which happened earlier this year)
in reference to said treatment, Ms Weaver is quoted as saying “I don’t know, Ridley has gone in a different direction. Maybe Ripley has done her bit. She deserves a rest.”
now obviously i don’t totally agree with Ms Weaver
the fact that “Ridley has gone in a different direction” is immaterial – i mean, is Prometheus and the other one even really part of the Alien universe?
besides, Fox (back in the day) were considering abandoning Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection to make way for Blomkamp’s sequel [1] – so, as far as i’m concerned, Mr Scott can do what he likes because:
the saga doesn’t belong to Ridley Scott, it belongs to RIPLEY – it’s her story
this is one of the recurring themes that i think a lot of fans and those in the industry get wrong – the movies may be called Alien, but it’s Ripley’s story
James Cameron got it, telling Fox while developing Aliens: “ ... it’s all about Ripley.”
way back when, while playing around with ideas for Alien 5, i looked at the four previous movies and asked: where to from here?
there were a number of “where to” questions, based on different aspects of the saga – ranging from Ripley to the xenomorphs to the “world(s)” in which the story is set … here’s some of my thoughts
it was clear at the time (and now) that Ms Weaver is both proud of the character, Ripley and protective of her legacy – and that if you wanted to get Ms Weaver to revisit the role, it would need to be worth her while
but how? (assuming that huge wads of cash aren’t going to do the trick)
the solution is “simple” – all the story needs to do is give Ms Weaver something interesting to do with Ripley – it needs to push Ripley further than she’d gone before – forcing her to confront new circumstances and problems that would test her in ways as yet unseen in the Alien universe … like i said, simple
in addition to the above, the story would also need to allow Ripley to leave the saga (in some suitable manner) while passing the mantle on to a NEW HERO
the three sequels all added more details to our understanding of the xenomorphs
Aliens answered the question of, where did the eggs come from? – by introducing the queen
Alien 3 answered the question of, why is the xenomorph human-shaped? – by giving us a dog-shaped version (because it gestated in a dog) [2]
Alien Resurrection showed us that human-xenomorph hybrids are possible ... strongly suggesting that the xenomorphs were engineered to attack mammals [3]
so the question now becomes: how can we use these ideas in new and interesting ways and what other new and surprising things can we learn about the xenomorphs?
as i noted at the the time, the story world needed to get outside and meet new people
by the fourth instalment, the settings were becoming a little repetitive – and it was clear that the next story needed to step out of the corridors and ducts of space freighters and industrial complexes, and out into the open air
however, i was not keen to see the xenomorphs overrun the Earth – i mean, we saw what was left of Earth at the end of Resurrection and so i doubt if many people would care too much if the xenomorphs took the place for themselves
in addition to the physical environments, there was also a need to broaden the types of people who populate the Alien universe
to date we’ve met the crew of the Nostromo, company bureaucrats and executives, scientists, marines, criminals and a smattering of others – not really a broad cross-section of human society
this how i see the setup for Alien 5, and the future of the saga
set some 120 years or so after Alien Resurrection [4], Ripley lives in an old port city (Nyu Kiro) on the edge of our Moon’s “dark side” – she lives there because it’s one of the few cities that still have actual windows, allowing her to glimpse the Earth “for real” from her small apartment on a crater’s edge
she calls herself “Jones” and lives alone – unable to have a relationship with anyone (her blood is not the only thing that’s acidic) – her isolation is further deepened by her not being able to have the media implants and smart tattoos enjoyed by the rest of the population – to stop people asking questions, she lies, claiming it’s due to religious reasons
for this reason, her coworkers and neighbours refer to her as, The Nun
she works at the docks, removing “barnacles” (various space critters) from derelict spaceships before they’re refurbished or stripped for parts
when we meet her, she’s on a job, teamed up with a newbie, an ex-military guy – soon after, she has to rescue him from a “weevil” – and, soon after that, they come across a HOLE penetrating several decks – the damage is familiar to Ripley, the hole was created by xenomorph blood
freaked out, Ripley sounds the evacuation alarm – BUT there is no xenomorph, and this leads to her getting the sack
returning to her apartment, she is told by the local busybody that there are people in her place – after clarifying that they are not with Immigration, she asks the busybody to send someone to knock on her door in a few minutes
in her apartment she finds the ex-military guy she rescued, and a three other people, one of which is a statuesque woman with a bald head and blue-black skin – the woman addresses Ripley as “Ellen” and introduces herself as “Call” ...
naturally, Ripley has some difficulty with this – the woman convinces her by imitating Call’s voice: “I'm the new asshole model they're putting out.”
Call has not just got herself a new, hardcore chassis, she’s also changed inside – of course this doesn’t come out immediately, but is revealed over the duration of the movie
Ripley is not interested in anything Call has to say: “If you’re not here to kill me, then leave” – Call tells her that she has news
HERE, there’s probably a cutaway, back to the busybody observing some nasty-looking heavies trying to look inconspicuous and headed in Ripley’s direction
long story short: the Tech (one of Call’s people) tells how they hacked into the old Military network and found all the files related to Ripley’s resurrection deleted ... BUT! the deletions left a distinctly-shaped ‘hole’ in the data
(he demonstrates this concept by lifting a large conch shell from a side table to reveal the dust-free shape beneath – when told he’s holding the shell of dead sea creature, he drops it in disgust – ewww! – the Tech’s disgust and fear of all things “natural” is a running gag in the story)
the thing is, they found four additional “data holes” – four other resurrection attempts set-up in parallel, but separate – the Military were playing it smart, not putting all their eggs into one basket – none of the staff at the five sites had any idea that the others existed
they learned that two of the experimental sites failed to create a xenomorph Queen – but the other two did – one was set to self-destruct, killing all aboard – and the fifth ... disappeared
the news hits Ripley hard
Call tells her that they’ve been searching and think they’ve found where the fifth ship touched down over 100 years ago – Ripley wants nothing to do with it: “Why tell me? Glass the planet from orbit. You don’t need me.”
Call tells her that there are innocent people on the planet – Ripley can’t believe it – after this much time the whole planet would be overrun – everyone would be dead
Call tells her this not the case – that the xenomorphs are being controlled by something ... something above the Queen
Ripley starts to see where this going and tries to deny it: “Maybe the genotype wasn’t stable and they all died ...”
Call tells her there have been reports from the planet, rumours of strange creatures that could only be xenomorphs – acid for blood
Call tells her that she believes there’s another “Ripley” out there – and somehow she’s keeping the xenomorphs on a tight leash – Call wants to take Ripley and find out why
they are still arguing when the door chimes – she goes to send the kid at the door away, but the kid tells her about the nasty-looking heavies
Call and her crew overhear and suddenly they all have weapons out and ready (except the Tech guy) – there’s a gunfight and the Dome breaks – during the depressurisation emergency they escape, but one of the ex-military types doesn’t make it ... etcetera and so on
while in Resurrection, Ripley’s loyalties were somewhat tested, here it will be FAR HARDER
here Our Ripley and Empress Ripley are the only ones of their kind in existence – sure Empress Ripley can’t pass for human (she’s a little more xenomophy in appearance), but she literally shares the same DNA and memories! – how can Our Ripley be expected to go against her sister?
a scene from the movie – except, okay, you’ll need to imagine the bull being more xenomorphy – and the kid would be wearing something like what Mongolian nomads do, but with hi-tech embellishments
given that a xenomorph’s configuration is determined by the mammal in which it gestated, this sequel can have any number of cool-looking new xenomorph warriors
like a huge one that looks like that Wall Street bull statue – or a pack of smaller xenomorphs that gestated inside capybaras – the giant South American rodents that the locals on Gyre have domesticated in place of goats – mmm, rat milk!
add to this, the fact that we have never seen xenomorphs after the’ve been exposed to an environment for decades
up until now, xenomorphs have been like Model T Fords, all black and all shiny – but after some time, maybe they would be able to change their colouration … and even the protuberances on their exoskeleton?
couldn’t an alpine xenomorph be white and shiny? – virtually invisible against the snow
or imagine a broad prairie, grass waving in the wind – someone is skewered by a blade of grass, only to discover it’s a quill … Ripley licks it and identifies it as coming from a xenomorph – BEAT – they look from the yellow-brown quill across the miles of yellow-brown grass surrounding them ... chills!
the world of the MILITARY-INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX of the first four movies is now in decline
but this doesn’t mean that a socialist-utopian-paradise now exists – the old structures still cling to power where they can – and the new systems are still evolving – which means that wider world of the Alien universe is a patchwork of both good and bad
much like the planet of GYRE
Gyre is a small dense planet with Earth-like gravity and a 14-hour day – the locals have adapted to this by calling a 28-hour cycle a “day” and taking a long siesta halfway through
Gyre also has a very active magnetosphere – let's say this is due to its rapid rotation, combined with an extremely dense core – and this makes telecommunications very difficult
(the planet's core is probably rich in some unobtainium-like, stable, super-heavy element which attracts the attention of some nasty corporate types that want to destroy the planet for its minerals ... more drama!)
Gyre was terrformed back in the early days (way before LV-426), but was “over-cooked” and now suffers from a greenhouse effect that creates massive storms and tornadoes
the tornadoes are so strong that they can rip the rails of an anti-grav track out of the ground and twist them up into weird, sculptural shapes – in fact, tornadoes throw so much stuff into the sky that death and injury from falling debris (sometimes days after the tornado has passed) is not uncommon
the short days, the extreme weather, the communications issues and the fact that it’s far from the established trade routes, has helped ensure that Gyre has remained a rustic backwater
this was made official about 90 years before the time of the story, when the planet was classified as a kind of "national park" for various religious and cultural groups that wanted to live the simple life ... and who no one else wanted on their planet
with atmospheric flight (always dangerous at the best of times) banned – all access to the planet’s surface is now via one of three space elevators
it is on Gyre that Ripley, Call, the Tech and the ex-military guy team up with a small FAMILY OF NOMADS – they have a stake in the story, as they lost a child when he was herding their flock(?) of capybara, to what they now believe to be was a xenomorph
the surviving kid, who is suffering from brain damage after being hit on the head by falling debris from a tornado, was the only witness (the brain damage is treatable, but it would mean an unaffordable trip off-planet)
while generally suspicious of off-worlders, the family accept the newcomers – although Ripley has hard time “dealing” with the kid, wanting nothing to do with them
this ramble has gone on way too long
so i won’t bore you with my “cool” set pieces, or detailed notes on the various people and communities they meet along the way, or the betrayals and plot twists ... these are all secondary to the MAIN QUESTIONS:
• what is EMPRESS RIPLEY up to?
• can we trust OUR RIPLEY to do the right thing? and
• what is CALL’s plan for the Ripleys and the xenomorphs?
if anyone’s still reading this, wtf?! … and, thanks for your time, i guess – i don’t know if this has been of any interest, but at least i’ve written something
hopefully tomorrow i’ll be out of my shitty, “why even bother” phase and back to writing stuff that has a slightly higher chance of being produced than ALIEN EMPRESS
[1] i wasn’t a huge fan of Mr Blomkamp’s desire to ditch the two sequels after Aliens – rebooting the story with Hicks and Newt alive, just seemed wrong – i mean, i get it, who doesn’t love Hicks and Newt? (okay my partner is less than enamoured with Newt) – but to hear people say that Hicks and Newt “deserved” to live, was just weird
i was also surprised that Fox would seriously consider "disowning" two movies for the sake of creating a third – to go back to a trilogy when they could’ve been building a pentalogy ... maybe this isn’t a concern anymore, i guess Blu-ray boxsets just aren’t worth what they were
[2] this is also a nice example of a sort of “retcon” that explained-away the real world issue in the first movie, the old problem of the humanoid xenomorph – of course, at the time it was done for practical and budgetary reasons, but it did risk falling into the “dude-in-a-rubber-suit” trap – thankfully the design, cinematography and editing mostly avoided this issue
[3] by using the word “engineered” i am not referring to the Prometheus’ Engineers and their related mythology – rather, i’m saying that an extraterrestrial species could not have naturally evolved to exploit mammalian physiology – and so, something must have designed them for this purpose
who? you ask – i don’t know – i don’t think the answer is important – who made the old landmine that exploded and maimed a farmer? – does he care? or is he more worried about how he and his family are going to survive, now that he can’t work?
and again, it’s Ripley’s story, not the xenomorph’s and their creators – fuck the creators – they’re probably a cowardly species who perceived that humans may be a threat way back when our ancestors were still roaming about the Great Rift Valley – and so the creators scattered xenomorphs across the galaxy as protection – the creators are probably extinct now – and good riddance to them
[4] being engineered, i assumed the xenomorph DNA wasn’t programmed to self-destruct and so Ripley doesn’t age at the normal rate
having trouble deciding upon which screenplay structural paradigm you’re going to apply to your story? – try this handy dandy chart that lays out eight paradigms side by side … and then go with your gut!
theres not a lot to say here – the linked PDF shows my attempt at laying out EIGHT structural paradigms as described by eight experts, gurus, consultants etcetera
these were done a long time ago and, to be frank, i haven’t bothered to check how “accurate” my renderings are – so please, don’t take my scribbles as gospel [1]
the Screenplay Structure paradigms are based on the work of the following who are, in no particular order:
• Blake Snyder – Save the Cat
• Frank Daniel – writer, director, teacher
• Michael Hague – story consultant, lecturer
• Lynda Heys – The Second Act Story
• Linda Seger – Making a Good Script Great
• Christopher Vogler – The Writer's Journey
• John Truby – Anatomy of a Screenplay
• Scott Myers – Go into the Story [2]
as you can see in the PDF, there is (at best) a loose alignment between the various paradigms ... which was frustrating at the time, but now makes sense to me
at the time i was still hoping to find THE SKELETON – the universal structure into which i could plug my concepts and ... voila! generate a screenplay – but laying out this PDF helped put an end to that fantasy
from around this time i started reading less “how tos” and more screenplays – i doubt this was a conscious decision – sure, i was rapidly running out of new how-to books to read, but i guess the real reason is, i was just getting MORE from reading screenplays
for one, i found them more entertaining – and for two, i began discovering how other writers solved (or at least attempted to deal with) various on-page issues – stuff i could learn from and use in my work
soon it became clear to me that there were many ways to put a scene down on a page and many ways to structure a screenplay ... and not just in theory, i was seeing the evidence write in front of me
plus, and this is the important bit, as i read more-and-more screenplays, i found i was beginning to develop an internal (instinctual?) screenplay grammar in much the same way i learned English grammar [3]
and just like English grammar, i discovered that screenplay grammar is far more flexible and forgiving than many of the “experts” would have you believe
of course, being an “expert” in English grammar doesn’t make you a great novelist – and having an “instinctual” grasp of screen grammar doesn’t making you a great screenwriter, but it can make your task that little bit easier and (dare i say it?) pleasurable
now that i’ve internalised (my understanding of) screenplay structure, i know that i’d much rather feel my way through a story than trying to force it to conform to a series of arbitrary beats
after all, that’s how audiences experience movies, right? – they feel their way through them
so in the end, this post is just about reaffirming that old MANTRA:
watch movies • read screenplays • write pages [4]
so forget about learning screenplay structure as some post hoc paradigm – instead experience its many forms by reading HUNDREDS of screenplays – old and new, good and bad, within your genre interests and outside ... and develop your own internal structures
they won’t be identical to anyone else’s and nor should they be!
and sure, read a how-to book if you need a break – just don’t read one in the hope of finding THE SKELETON
[1] i haven’t reviewed my scribbles for accuracy because: (a) busy, and (b) i’m not particularly fussed if they are or not because i’m no longer interested in finding THE SKELETON
[2] whether you find Scott’s structure useful or not, his blog go into the story is a relatively “rule free” treasure trove of tips, lessons and other resources for the up-and-coming writer – check it out if you haven’t already
[3] during my early schooling, the educational paradigm at the time had swung away from teaching grammar via rules, and so (thankfully) i never had to learn the difference between an adverb and a participle
[4] by “movies” i also mean tv shows, limited series and so on
i knew i shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque
this is the second post in my series, The journey so far – in the previous post i outlined my approach to “going to market” with my screenplay Rain Dogs – NOT, you understand, as some sort of “how to”, but simply as a record of my journey – y’know, the unexamined life etcetera
this post will focus on the three EVALUATIONS i purchased from the Black List
but before that, i’ll “briefly” cover what’s happened since
facebook – i noted previously that i wasn’t on the facebook – that now has changed – despite my misgivings, i accepted the advice that, while it is a cesspool, there are parts that are less shitty than others – and so i’m dabbling about in it – a comment here – a re-post there ... attempting to establish a discrete presence, while trying to avoid it becoming a massive timesuck
producer/director – i had a video chat with the producer/director (and writer) who said those nice things about Rain Dogs – we discussed the script, the parlous state of Australia’s screen industry and what i should do next – in the end, it appears that the smart thing to do is, write something cheaper
this is not about abandoning Rain Dogs – it’s just the next step in the journey
thankfully, i’m not short of ideas and so i’m now in the process of sorting through half-a-dozen concepts to see which one will be the first cab off the rank
to clarify: there are no expectations between the writer/director/producer and myself – it was just a chat and i’m thankful for the time they chose to share with me
in-progress scripts – so what to do with the two in-progress scripts i have on the go? – i’d finished one to the point where i felt i could share it with a couple of people who had read Rain Dogs for me – the response was not what i’d hoped, but it’s probably something that i should have expected
i suspect i know how to fix it – but as it’s set on a futuristic island, and the other screenplay takes place in a unique, alien dimension, i think it best to leave both these screenplays to gestate … while i concentrate on a low-budget idea
impact – i’d learned about the Impact Australia program soon after the deadline passed – typical! – and so i made a note to keep an eye out for it next year
but then i learned of the Impact x Netflix program – and that the first genre was for large scale action-adventure films for all audiences
so, as i had something that fitted the description, i decided to roll the dice to see what happens
now there are some naysayers out there who claim that none of the previous Impact “winners” have been unproduced newbies – i don’t know if this is true, i haven’t bothered to search out the data – and these naysayers go on to say that, because of this, Impact’s claims of democratizing the process should be seen as a scam – which seems to me to be a bit of a stretch
even if it is true, that no unproduced writers’ scripts have been selected to date, it doesn’t automatically follow that Impact are being dodgy – it could simply mean that, to date, the material submitted by the unproduced newbies weren’t what they were looking for
besides, applying is free and it “only” took me a week to throw it all together, so why the hell not?! – a 0.5% chance of success (or whatever the numbers are) is still better than zero chance
click to download the PDF containing the three evaluations
before i begin, it’s probably best if i try to define what i’m doing here
let me start by saying, i think that the Black List performs an incredibly valuable and necessary service – so this is not me attacking the Black List and having a whinge about my less-than-stellar scores
however, while working through the the three evaluations, i did become fascinated by the different “takes” of each of the readers
sure, the varying opinions can be confusing to a screenwriter, but that didn’t really concern me – it’s our job to figure out what’s right for our story [1]
what did concern me is that these varying opinions are also used (and i’m paraphrasing from the Black List’s FAQ) to identify high-quality scripts that the Black List can then promote to their industry membership (and) … also make targeted recommendations to individuals using an algorithm …
now, i have no idea how the algorithm sorts through the conflicting data to create these targeted recommendations, but i worry about any system that relies on subjective data, particularly systems with such small sample sizes (three, in my case)
again, this is not me attacking the readers who wrote the evaluations – they may well be the the best of the bunch as the Black List describes them – however … well, we’ll get into the details below
of course, i can’t help but wonder if there may be a better way of doing this – unfortunately, the only ideas that spring to mind would either add a lot of time and money to the process – or worse, potentially dilute the definition of a “great script” to the point where it’s effectively useless
so, without any answers and in the spirit of sharing my experience, the following is my review of the Black List evaluations for Rain Dogs – Rain Dogs is available to read at Script Revolution or you can contact me via the contact form.
THE EVALUATIONS
the three PDFs i received from the Black List have been copied and re-laid out into one document so that the evaluations can be read side by side (kind of)
if you’re a Black List member (screenwriter and/or industry professional) you can also view all three evaluations on the site [password required]
i’ll work through the document making comments across all three evaluations as i go – the evaluations will be identified as #1, #2 and #3
the ratings – the Overall Rating ranges from “5” to “7” – as you can see, there are a few outliers amongst the other ratings – for example #1 gives Character a “3” (lowest of the three) and Setting a “9” (highest of the three) – while #3 gives Premise a “9” and Plot an “8” (both highest of the three) and Dialogue a “4” (the lowest of the three)
this variation between the evaluations is a little “noisier” than i expected … but then, what was i expecting?
Era – #1: Present, #2: Present Day, #3: Contemporary … no issues here
Locations – #1 provides a short list, including the words: rural Australia, forests, waterfall – this provides a pretty accurate description of the setting
however #2 and #3 simply note: Australia – which seems a bit … vague
i know, i know, the “rural aspect” of the story is covered off in the loglines, but i wonder, do other Black List evaluations simply refer to “U.S.A.” when covering a story set in the States?
Budget – now this confused me – #1: Blockbuster, #2: Low, #3: Medium
i’ve already noted at the end of the previous The journey so far post, that i found the designation “blockbuster” to be over egging it a bit – writing at the time, that i’d seen sequences in streaming series that were more blockbustery than my little movie
but then #2 went the other way, designated the movie as “low budget” – which seems to be too far at the other end of the spectrum
reading through the rest of #2’s evaluation, i got the impression that the “low budget” designation was more about what they thought i should be doing, rather than what was on the page … but that’s not how it’s meant to work, is it?
i guess #3 has it about right
Genre – all more-or-less fine – if i had to nitpick, and why not? i’d say #1: doesn’t mention “sci-fi” (a minor thing), #2: doesn’t mention “monsters” (okay, not so minor), and #3: doesn’t mention “family” (also, not so minor)
i’m curious about #3’s inclusion of “disaster films”, as it may give the impression that there’s more wholesale destruction than the screenplay delivers … well, at least until the last ten minutes or so
Logline – this also surprised me – i’d assumed the logline would simply be a cut and paste of the line i’d provided … but, no
#1: did use my logline, but tweaked it to underline the monster’s invisibility – i thought my original line did the job just fine, but no matter
#2: wrote their own logline which neglected a number of elements i considered important, such as the nature of the “family”, the invisibility of the monsters and the fact that only the daughter can see them
#3: communicates a little more than #2, by mentioning the father “trying to connect with his daughter” – but then muddies things by describing him as “tech savvy” – an attribute of his character that doesn’t really play into the story
okay – that’s the simple stuff sorted through
now, in the next three sections (Strengths, Weaknesses and Prospects), the readers go into some detail about what, in their opinion, worked, didn’t work and (i’m guessing) what needs to be done for the current screenplay to become something that is actually made
as you can see, there’s a bit to get through – particularly with #1’s detailed notes, which are almost twice as long as #2 or #3 – i have no way of knowing whether the differences in word count is due to the individual readers’ style/approach, or if the increased workload brought on by the pandemic meant that #2 and #3 just didn’t have the time to go into anymore detail
of course i won’t spend time repeating all the nice things that were said (you can read them yourself and they are all true and correct!) – instead i’ll just note what i believe to be issues with their reading of the script and ask some (rhetorical) questions when i don’t understand what the readers are trying to say
… fully understanding that, in most cases, it’s just one subjective opinion up against another
strengths
#1 says the daughter, Casey’s use of a garden rake to “lock” a door is smart – well, not really – the rake is hanging by the door for just that reason – her father, Dan’s praise at her quick thinking is only due to him not being familiar with her world
#1 also sees a mystery where there was none intended (why did Dan and Mo separate?) and misses one that is hinted at (who is Tracey?) – however, within the context of story, neither are major issues
i intentionally gave the characters vague, messy backstories to give their interactions the texture of reality – “I fought with your father in the Clone Wars” – while trying to avoid overly-explicit “hollywood” arcs for the characters – these tend not to sit well with Aussie audiences, particularly when they’re watching Australian stories
#2’s line: generally engaging read that succeeds in gradually earning the interest of the reader … the expression, “damned with faint praise”, comes to mind – and this is in the “strengths” section!
whether it’s poor writing, dull characters or boring action, it’s hard to say what #2’s issue is – i mean, shit goes sideways on page 10, so i don’t know what … maybe i’ll learn more under “weaknesses”
#3 lists three movies as potential “touchpoints” – i admit, i hadn’t considered any of them while i was writing the script
Attack the Block, which i’m very fond of, is, despite being about a young street gang in a London council estate, a pretty good comparison as far as tone etcetera – i’m embarrassed that i didn’t see the “link” earlier
i’ve only seen The Wind recently, and this is one is little more of a stretch – sure, there’s the rural isolation and the unexplained menace … but my screenplay is way less poetic or dreamlike – that said, i did keep thinking of Weir’s Picnic at Hanging Rock while writing Rain Dogs – not sure why
it’s been a while since i saw Feast – i think i picked it up at the video store back in the day because Jason Mewes was in it and i wanted to see what he could do when he was out from under Silent Bob’s shadow – the answer: die horribly
of the three movies, Feast is the one i struggle with as touchpoint for Rain Dogs – it is brutal, nasty and flashy as fuck – a fun time, sure, if you’re in the mood for a bloody horror-comedy – but it’s nothing like my screenplay … unless, it’s the amount of cussing that links the two together
weaknesses
#1’s critique of the philosophical discussion on page 43 would be understandable if this wasn’t the first time the two characters had a chance to sit and talk (in relative safety) since the movie started
i mean, i hate those scenes where characters have heart-to-hearts in the middle of firefight (or whatever) as much as the next person, so this comment caught me by surprise
particularly because the purpose of the discussion wasn’t to get philosophical, or even to setup a payoff
the discussion was designed to show why the father is so freaked out (besides the obvious) – while also establishing the scope of the danger they are in – i don’t know why #1 missed all this – the writing may be the problem, sure, but then …
#1 is right about Mo’s Chinese ancestors not playing into her choices – not on the surface – but they are very much a part of who she is – the line points to the bullshit she’s had to deal with most of her life, and so hints at why she presents such a combative front to the world
the logic holes #1 refers to, aren’t – they are simply things that are left unexplained, because the characters don’t have the answers – i was particularly surprised by the question, why Australia? – why the hell not?
the nightmare on page 82 is cool, and i look forward to discussing it with a director – but i see no reason to get into the details when this is something that will be designed by the FX people under the director’s direction – i’m flattered that #1 wants more details, but for now, “cool” will have to be enough
#1’s questions regarding who can hear the monsters’ “thoughts”, what various characters can and can’t see at various times, and how they learn about the bigger picture is, i believe, all covered in the screenplay
by saying that, i don’t mean i get into the (meta)physics of it all, but there is a cause and effect thing going on – that said, i will review the screenplay with #1’s concerns in mind
#1 asks, why do they look sick? – which is answered both before this scene and a few pages later: they look sick because they spent the best part of a day in a garage filled with petrol (gas) fumes
who is Sasha to them? – she is mentioned by Casey as someone who owns horses who are friendly with her horse – and later, Dan mentions her as someone who has fuel – and then later again, when they go to Sasha’s farm in search of said fuel, Mo is relieved when she believes Sasha has escaped – in short, Sasha is a neighbour and a friend
#1 also asks for clarity re Mo saying, “I don’t think we can do it tonight” – but then Mo goes on to explain why they should not attempt to drive out that night – so …
#1’s questions about the fence and the fruit bowl are both answered in the script – the fence reinforces their car’s windscreen – and the fruit bowl delays the monster, allowing them to spring their trap (almost)
nor do i see a need to clarify Mo’s “trick” when she attempts to play dead – by this stage the audience has seen a number of people killed by the monsters, so Mo’s desperate attempt to imitate these victims and appear “dead” isn’t hard to understand … the question is: will it work?
unlike #1, who described the action scenes as: very well executed & choreographed for the most part, successfully tense & frightening; they’re also varied in setting & situation, never redundant – #2 claims the action scenes are: a bit jumbled – #2 then agrees with #1 by claiming that part of the reason for this is that: the creatures’ invisibility powers are unclear
as i noted above, i believe, it’s all covered in the screenplay – i suspect the real issue around the monsters’ invisibility, is that the reader and the audience has to learn the “rules” along with the characters – and that these “rules” are constantly being tweaked as the characters learn new things – there is no definitive checklist that they or the reader can refer to – the audience will need to pay some attention
but, for the sake of argument, let’s assume for the moment that the “rules” (such as they are) haven’t been communicated properly – even if true, i’m struggling to find an action scene where this supposed lack of clarity actually hurts the scene
[sure there will be arguments online regarding the supposed “invisibility rules”, but who cares whether or not Sam would be invisible if Frodo, while wearing the One Ring, picks him up and carries him?]
#2 then goes on to suggest that there should be less action scenes to keep the budget down … advice i would’ve thought would be more at home in the “prospects” section
i get #2’s reasoning, but it’s not the screenplay i wanted to write
i don’t understand #2’s note to establish Dan’s relationship to Casey earlier and more explicitly – is the relationship the fact that he’s her biological father? – that’s stated on page 1 – does the audience need to know this from the outset? – no
or is the relationship #2 is worried about, the fact that they are more-or-less strangers to each other? – well the scene on page 1 has him standing outside, drinking, as a storm ranges – while she sits inside with her back to him, inventing a fantasy world … i would’ve thought that was enough
but just in case it isn’t, the scene that follows (pages 4-7) makes it even more clearer-er that he is a stranger in his daughter’s life – and sure, it’s not exactly clear why, but it doesn’t need to be – so why clutter things up?
for some reason, #2 believes that the Mo being introduced on page 18 is too late and is jarring
i don’t agree – the audience needed this time to get settled with Dan and Casey – and then, when they’re trapped, with no place go, the script CUTs to Mo – the audience then has about five pages to get know Mo while also learning more about the situation both beyond and in the mountains …
i’m not saying Rain Dogs is Star Wars: A New Hope, but Han didn’t show up until page 50! … but to be fair, that screenplay is 155 pages long
#3 seems to have a different take on the screenplay to #1 and, to a lesser extent, #2, by suggesting there’s too much information and a bit of redundancy with dialogue and action – an example would’ve been useful – as would a couple of examples of this “on-the-nose” dialogue they refer to
but let’s assume there are some redundancies – as i understand it, professional writers often put stuff down on the page knowing that it will be cut or reduced to (say) a glance, but they do it anyway because they want the scene to be clear … which to me, makes a lot of sense
now it’s quite possible that i’ve applied this bit of craft poorly, but i’d rather my intention to be clear than misconstrued or missed entirely (see above for examples)
i agree with #3 that, Sometimes jewellery or wardrobe explains more about the characters than them spewing their biography – but that must include the caveat that the reader/audience understands the context which makes these wardrobe decisions so telling
as to: them spewing their biography – i’m guessing the reader meant, the writer spewing their biography, because none of the character’s introduce themselves
as to the actual character introductions – Dan’s intro is two lines, Mo’s is three – both editorialise, but, I would argue, tell us more about the characters than any costume choices i could make – while still leaving ample room for the actors to pursue their craft
#3 writes, uneven pacing needs to distilled and character moments (and dialogue and action) can be consolidate to reduce redundancy – once again, examples would be welcome – i’m not trying to be a smart arse here, i’m genuinely trying to figure out where the redundant repetition is, or which bits can be consolidated to tighten up the screenplay
and then there’s the note, character moments can unfold during action – sure, some scenes are just characters reacting, the survival instinct kicking in, but there are just as many where the characters’ decisions reveal something about themselves
as an example of character moments can unfold during action, #3 writes: such as a character who has a fear of heights might have to endure a foot chase on a rooftop or cliff ledge … i’m not sure what i’m being told here, as this example is virtually duplicated in the screenplay
in the script, Mo worries about Casey standing on the roof of her car – later, Mo struggles to climb down from an upstairs window, despite a fire raging behind her – and finally, Mo finds herself dangling over a black abyss, with the fate of her daughter and the universe in her hands …
prospects
#1 begins claiming that despite there being, enough character development set up to create full arcs for each of them, that the script fails to capitalise on this and so the ending falls flat – this does not appear to be an issue that concerns the other two readers
the claim that the characters’ arcs “fail”, seems to be, once gain, something that was missed
Dan goes from seeing his daughter as a virtual stranger, to someone who is happy, despite his aches and pains, to have Casey use him as a mattress – and the same is true of Casey, who chooses to crash with Dan, despite her two mums being available – Mo, too, has an arc, relinquishing her need to protect Casey and passing the responsibility on to Dan
#1 again asks for more details regarding the monsters’ mythology – not happening – and then asks what Dan wanted from reuniting with his daughter
Dan “wanted” nothing – he was doing Mo a favour when she was called away to Jill’s mother’s “death bed” and her go-to babysitter (her mother, Helen) was unavailable – if it weren’t for the monsters, it’s quite possible that Dan would’ve finished babysitting Casey after a few days and left … no closer to her than when he arrived
the “blubbering” and “scared and selfish” exchange, harsh as it is, was not, to my mind, a step along the way to their reconciliation – it was their reconciliation – their first truly open and honest interaction
skipping the selfless hero suggestion (see “use him as a mattress” above) – i’m not sure where #1 pulled the idea of Mo’s obsession with eco-protection – sure, she has a “make polluters pay” sticker on the back of her car, but it’s partially obscured by soot from the exhaust (irony!) – i’m sure Mo does lean left and green, as do all decent human beings ;) – but there’s no need to bring our Earth-bound politics into it, when the fate of the entire universe is at stake
and then #1 is back worrying about Dan, Mo and Jill etcetera and what does it all mean – as i suggested earlier, this relationship was never intended to be “a thing” – it’s just a depiction of a modern family and a fairly basic piece of character design – all i wanted was an estranged Father, a Child and a Mother who wouldn’t be trying to get the band back together and so distract us from the father-child dynamic, or from the two adults’ different approaches to parenting … i was just trying to keep things simple
despite all these issues, #1 finishes the “prospects” section, which has read up until this point as more like a continuation of the “weaknesses” section, on a positive note, imaging moviegoers being frightened and excited by this summer blockbuster
#2’s “prospects” boil down to: once i have the best version of the screenplay, i should focus on genre production companies who will need to employ a visionary director and a strong ensemble cast that will (hopefully) create a movie that will stand out, which will then (hopefully) lead to some meetings, representation and work … ummm … sure, okay … thanks for the advice
#3 begins by referencing Feast again (which i still don’t understand) and Tremors which, like Attack the Block, is something i should’ve twigged to way before i read the title in their evaluation – particularly as Tremors is a bit of a sentimental favourite in our household – so, good call!
i’m surprised that no mention was made of A Quiet Place and Bird Box – both these movies came out while i was working on Rain Dogs and i worried that my script would be seen as trying to cash-in on this two-picture trend
#3 then writes, there’s nothing wrong with buying a ticket to a roller-coaster: that’s the foundation of cinema – which struck me as a little patronising, but then all was forgiven when they went on to call it, a high-octane thrill ride, which is very well done, with nuanced characters
unfortunately the rest of #3’s notes just offers advice like: less is more, and sometimes the quietest moments are also the loudest, and tightening the script, and strengthening the dialogue by reducing its “on-the-nose” style …
all of which doesn’t really give me much to work with – particularly when i believe i’ve either already done these things – or when i don’t know what #3 means when they say things like, the dialogue’s “on-the-nose” style – compared to #2, who wrote, the dialogue ... feels organic – maybe #3 just has an issue with Mo’s constant swearing … she does say “fuck” quiet a lot
in closing
so there you have it – three Black List evaluations of my screenplay … and my stumbling attempts at trying to make sense of them – the process has been useful (to me at least)
again, the intent here was not to disparage or call into question what the Black List does
and nor was it to attack the readers – frankly, i don’t think i could do what they do – particularly with the situation in the States being what it is … and we think we’ve got it bad here in Oz!
as to how the Black List (and studios and production companies etcetera and so on) could improve upon their current systems … well, that is the question
i doubt if any software-based “solution” will cut it – which leaves us with people
aside from perhaps tightening up the guidelines around what is required and how the evaluations should be structured – my only idea on how to improve the evaluations is: throw more people at it
multiple people should read each screenplay … i’m thinking, FOUR – three independent readers begin with a cold read of the screenplay – they prepare their evaluations, which then goes to a fourth person who reads them before reading the screenplay – it is this fourth person who then writes the evaluation, the one that will be used by the Black List’s algorithms etcetera and viewed by their industry members – the screenplay’s writer would have access to all four evaluations
you can see why it won’t be popular: more people + more time = more money
thankfully, it’s not my (immediate) problem – i got a cheap horror-thriller to write!
till next time, thanks for your attention
[1] i’m of the opinion that the screenwriter must accept and embrace sole responsibility for their screenplay – particularly in the case of a spec script, where the writer is the only expert on the story they’re telling
image borrowed from: Twin Peaks: The Return ep. 8: Gotta Light (2017)
as i wrote in Horror Fans: A Taxonomy ... of sorts – we all watch horror movies for different reasons and these reasons can change from day to day – sometimes we’re in the mood for a brooding, atmospheric piece, and the next day we decide that some high-energy carnage is more our speed
and while a lot of fans are happy to flit between subgenres like a vampire bat in a petting zoo, we all have our preferences …
[i then went on to describe six [1] categories of horror fan that I just made up for shits and giggles – and the post finished with]
… naturally, there’s a lot of overlap between these types of horror fans – with some overlapping more than others – and yet, if you’ve ever spent any time on a website focused on horror movies (particularly if you dip into the comments) you’ll read a lot of stuff you could do without
aside from so-called fans abusing other commenters and using bigoted language – a lot of commenters express their opinions in a way that reads more like statements of fact … and these statements are often expressed rather bluntly (i.e. some fans are just fucking rude)
which is a shame, as it discourages actual discussions between fans
ignoring the actual arseholes, the one statement of fact that pisses me off most is:
“that’s not horror”
what a worthless collection of letters – i have yet to see this statement supported (even once!) by a reasoned argument of why, said movie, does not fulfil the (always) undisclosed definition
occasionally you might see a couple of extra words added, like: “that’s not horror, it’s a thriller” or “that’s not horror, it’s a dark fantasy” – srsly?! – well thanks for the “clarification” – now we have two unanswered questions: what is horror? AND what is a thriller?
i mean, FFS! – after what feels like centuries of being in the ghetto, HORROR is finally getting some recognition and yet we have so-called fans (burn!) trying to SHRINK what is allowed to be called “Horror” by applying their petty version of a “purity test” to determine what is and what is not “Horror”
SBJ! – we have victory (of sorts) within our grasp, and these nuff-nuffs are trying to cram us back into the jaws of defeat – WTaF?!
maybe that’s where these “purists” feel the most comfortable – in a small, constrained, inward-looking genre-fandom, ever on the lookout for “outsiders” who may challenge their position as … what? – fuck knows
i have to admit, i find it really hard to understand their reasoning
[if i didn’t know any better, i’d believe those trying to limit what Horror can be, are actually in the pocket of Big Rom Com ... but i’m not one for conspiracy theories]
now i’m not saying that no one should try to create a definition of what Horror is – but that’s something for the anthropologists and others involved in cultural studies to worry about – it’s not something we, the actual subjects of these cultural studies, need to concern ourselves with
we shouldn’t worry about it for two reasons – one, most of us aren’t in the position and don’t have the training to even begin designing anything close to a meaningful definition, and – two, for most of us, it’s boring and pointless …
pointless, that is, unless you want to weaponise it for use in some kind of culture war against your “enemies” – y’now, the sort of tribal bullshit that’s currently killing our planet [too much?]
the other tiring thing about these pointless, soul-sucking arguments is that they have all been fought before – fought and lost
for example, Science Fiction fandom, before it became Sci-fi, would have long, protracted arguments over what actually constituted Sci-fi – but in the end, all the definitions, the point scoring and the raised voices gave us NOTHING – not one piece of fun, interesting or great piece of Sci-fi was ever created because someone somewhere had finally sorted out what Sci-fi really is
Horror (like beauty) is in the mind of the beholder – the definition isn’t important, the experience IS
so what do you do if, up until now, your main contribution to chats about Horror has been limited to saying stupid stuff like, “that’s not horror”? – well, you either shut up and be content to read other, more nuanced takes on the subject at hand, or you put in the work
focus on your experience of the movie, series, book, game or woteva and how it affected you and why – what worked for you and what didn’t – are there similarities or links to other examples you know of? – how do they compare? etcetera and so on
and please try to avoid simple, declarative statements like: “zombies are boring” or “CG sucks” or “it wasn’t scary” – they don’t really lead anywhere unless you try to explain why – and things are rarely so cut and dried
so let’s celebrate Horror and try to have a discussion, not a debate – after all, it’s not a competition
and please, leave the unpleasantness on the screen
[1] i chose 6 because popular tradition tells us, it be the debil’s number! – however, the oldest version of Revelation 13:15-18 so far discovered gives the Number of the Beast as 616, not the more popular 666 – and while they both got sixes in them, i doubt the current popularity of the number would’ve survived if the original number (616) had been retained – Wikipedia has more here
the coveted IP stamp of acceptability
while preparing to launch my screenplay Rain Dogs out onto an unsuspecting and (it must be said) largely indifferent world, I came across this piece of advice to wannabe screenwriters:
“Always go after IP before starting in on an original idea. Buyers have told me multiple times they won’t look at anything not based on IP.”
hmmm, I thought, this could be a bit problematic
no, not because Rain Dogs is not based on IP – i’ve made my peace with that uncomfortable fact a long time ago
the reason i find the advice problematic, is because it pisses me off
now normally when something pisses me off, particularly when it relates to The Day Job or The World Today, i just try to ignore it … sure, maybe i have a bit of rant with my colleagues, family and/or friends … but then i move on – i mean, life’s too short, right?
but now?
well, in my inaugural blog post, i wrote that i would: try to be as open as possible – i know, i know, but it seemed harmless enough at the time – but now … well, now i have to SAY SOMETHING
why? because this isn’t just about “work”, it’s about “my work” – and so, if i’m gonna try to be open, then i should let you, dear PP (Potential Partner), know what i think of The Advice
however, before we get into that, i should clarify a few things
1 – i am not in the industry and so am naive, ignorant and probably wrong about everything … including The Advice (however, being wrong about something doesn’t mean you can’t be angry about it – see [insert name of current bunch of nutters who are doing your head in])
2 – i assume the giver of The Advice knows what they are talking about, and sincerely and honestly believe that The Advice is both accurate and useful
3 – i’m not anti-IP – some (a lot!) of my favourite movies and shows are based on a third party’s IP – and i admit, i’ve even thought of adapting some IP myself – if and when, A: i come across something i really love, and B: i can afford it
4 – my understanding is that IP does not include stuff like, The Willows by Algernon Blackwood – why? – well it’s public domain and, more importantly, no one knows who the fuck Blackwood is ... i mean, it’s not like he’s an Austen or a Dickens
5 – and finally – i see “commonalities” between the current fixation on existing IP and the many, far more important issues faced by society today – and so they become conflated in my head – and the frustration and anger i feel re (say) the lack of action on global warming, bleeds out and stains my reaction to The Advice … so apologies if things get a little sarcastic~
look, i’m just as lazy and insecure as the next bloke, so i get the appeal of IP – no, really
the IP stamp of acceptability is a valuable endorsement – after all, it tells you that someone somewhere once paid some money for some previous rendition of the story [1]
i mean, COME ON! – how good is that?! – it practically guarantees that some other someones may be willing to PAY for another rendering of the same thing – WOW! – you can imagine how much easier it makes things for a Producer when they go looking for money:
BOOYAH! – works every single fucking time! – the IP stamp of acceptability makes selling screenplays easy! – now you understand how AMAZING the IP stamp of acceptability is, right? – you’d have to be nuts to waste your time on something “original”
okay ... I know this new IP-first world is hard to get your head around, so i’ve constructed a little Q&A with film industry executive, D. D. Strawmann
Q: what about the advice that says, “write what you’re passionate about”?
A: um, well I guess it still stands … just with the added caveat that it must now be based on existing IP
Q: but what if i can’t find an (affordable) piece of IP that i’m “passionate about”?
A: not really The Money’s issue … but perhaps you’re being too picky
Q: but without access to IP, how will i (a wannabe screenwriter) be able to develop my craft?
A: once again, not really The Money’s issue – there are literally millions of wannabe screenwriters with their wannabe scripts – do you have any idea how exhausting that is? – culling a few from the herd with the IP stamp of acceptability makes their life just that little bit easier … don’t take it personally, it’s just business
Q: but surely audiences will get tired of seeing the same thing over and over again
A: audiences say they get tired and bored, and yet they keep showing up – proving two things – one, that they are liars, and – two, that they really do want more of the same
Q: but how do you know? i mean, where is the research? what are the stats?
A: okay, that’s three questions – and you’re starting to sound a bit defensive – EVERYONE knows buyers prefer IP-endorsed content because EVERYONE knows that’s what audiences prefer – I mean, EVERYONE is saying it!
Q: just because “everyone” is saying it, doesn’t make it true – what about those “everyones” who once said that a superhero movie with a woman in the lead wouldn’t be profitable – or those other “everyones” who said that a movie made with a cast of people predominately of African-heritage wouldn’t sell? – couldn’t this be the same kind of thing?
A: are you calling buyers a bunch of misogynist racists?!
Q: no! – what I mean is, couldn’t this piece of “accepted wisdom” be as wrong as the examples used above?
A: but this has nothing to do with gender or race
Q: well, yeah, it kind of does – if you’re green-lighting stuff based on preexisting IP, then the chances that it features a white, hetro male as the protagonist would be quite high, wouldn’t it?
A: the two examples you just gave – Wonder Woman and Black Panther – they were based on pre-existing IP, right?
Q: sure, i guess, but they’re just two ... never mind – for the sake of argument, let’s say that buyers (for whatever reason) DO prefer IP-endorsed material – but how do we know that audiences prefer IP-endorsed material too?
A: we’ve already covered this: audiences are watching IP-endorsed material
Q: but that may only be because there’s SO MUCH IP-endorsed material out there – you’re flooding the audience’s range of options with IP-endorsed material and then claiming that the choices they make from within your skewed sample somehow proves your point
A: so you agree, audiences DO prefer watching IP-endorsed material
Q: only because there’s so much of it – a lot of the time they don’t even realise it’s based on existing IP – they’re just watching––
A: so you agree
Q: fine – whatever – but aren’t you worried that if we stop generating new IP, we’ll eventually run out of IP-endorsed material in the future?
A: the future? we’re talking about NOW
Q: but things are changing so fast, how can you predict what people will want?
A: we don’t have to predict, we know – audiences will want IP-endorsed material
Q: but surely an industry so reliant on creativity needs to invest in developing and nurturing a broad range of new ideas and––?
A: of course! – that’s why we have a shit-ton of new IP-endorsed material in development as we speak!
Q: ––new ideas AND the the talent to develop it – what is the industry telling screenwriters when they say that they are no longer interested in new ideas? – aren’t you worried about a talent exodus? – that writers will leave the business to pursue more fulfilling and interesting work?
A: i doubt that will happen – even screenwriters have to eat occasionally
Q: so you have no concerns about the future?
A: the future?! – shit! – why worry about something that may never happen!
[1] story or material with potential, narrative-friendly elements
a journey of a thousand leagues begins with a single step etcetera and so on
things have been hectic, so it’s been a while since my last post ... i’ve got a few posts in development hell, but i need some mental space to look at them again, before i inflict them upon the world at large
instead, i’ll just outline what’s been happening with Rain Dogs, thus far
so best stop reading now – i would
the first step – i started playing around with what became Rain Dogs back in April 2017
since then, i’d been working on it, off-and-on, whenever i had the time to deal with it ... and when my brain didn’t seize that opportunity to run off to play with other newer, cooler ideas (stoopid brain)
i’ve covered parts of this journey in previous posts – see RAIN DOGS: Where did they come from? and How not to keep a writing diary
one day i may do a post about the ENTIRE PROCESS of writing Rain Dogs, show how the sausage is made, as they say – not because it is something to be studied and duplicated (far from it) – but rather to share with other wannabes the messy mess that is developing a screenplay – and, in doing so: [a] perhaps make them feel a little less ‘alone’ on their journey, and [b] maybe help them learn from my mistakes
as that old jokester, Otto used to say: “Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”
so this post skips past all that creative grind – and instead i’ll “quickly” outline how i “put Rain Dogs out to market” – followed by the responses i’ve received to date
STAGE ONE was creating this WEBSITE so that there was a location where PPs (Potential Partners) could learn about me and the screenplay, should they be interested
i explain this in more detail in my inaugural post, Welcome
i also set about gaining a rudimentary understanding of INSTAGRAM, in the hope that it may attract some attention and direct potential PPs to this website
STAGE TWO was to build a mailing list for my EMAIL BLITZ
as an outsider to the business, i’d always planned to put my screenplay up on The Black List, but i knew that that would not be enough and that i should try to create some buzzz around it if possible
particularly in Australia where, i suspect, The Black List is not so deeply entrenched in the screen business as it is in the U.S. and elsewhere
so i thought i’d do a little email campaign – and for that, i needed email addresses
i found them by making use of IMDbPro’s generous one month free trial
i’d already collected a list of “Australian” movies that were in the horror/sci-fi/fantasy/action/thriller genres (or near enough) and used IMDbPro to find the email addresses of the producers and (occasionally) the directors that worked on these movies – this took (in total) two-to-three days
of course, not every producer has their contact info on IMDbPro and not all “producers” are Producers – and the contact details of many of the people behind the movies and/or shows i thought were a really good fit, were just impossible to find … well, for me, at least
also, trying to find the right name in some of the larger organisations was, by design, near impossible – or required filling-in a lot of forms to apply for this or that program ... which is not to say that i won’t get around to applying to these programs when I have the time, but these organisations obviously couldn’t be part of the blitz
anyway, by the time i was done, i had a list of just over 100 addresses [don’t ask]
STAGE THREE was getting my script up on The Black List – i did this for two reasons
one, it means that any professional Producer, anywhere in the world, can find and read the screenplay ... without having to deal with some angsty writer
and two, for a small fee, you can get a second (or third) opinion on your screenplay from an industry professional – as i’m not a part of a screenwriting group or community, this was important to me
SURE … over a dozen people had read an earlier draft of the screenplay some months (years?) before this time, but none of them are screenwriters – and so, while the response was generally positive and a number of issues were identified (and resolved) ... there was (is) always that lurking dread that me and my friends are all just fooling ourselves – my hope was, that getting an opinion from someone outside my bubble would provide me with a valuable reality check
registering, uploading, paying etc wasn’t too difficult, even for a curmudgeon like myself – although i was surprised by all the questions and lists of check boxes that were part of the process
both before and since i’ve searched for some kind of checklist guide that takes you through the process of placing your screenplay on The Black List, but haven’t been able to find one
there are some articles, but they tend to be of the sort that claim to be able to help you get your screenplay onto THE Black List – their annual list of the favourite scripts written that year as voted by Film Execs
if i can’t find a checklist guide, i’ll see if i can find some time to knock one out – both as a checklist for myself and for other first-timers, so they won’t find themselves suddenly confronted by a load of questions they were unprepared to answer
STAGE FOUR – with the script up on The Black List and waiting to be evaluated, i was almost ready for the email blitz ... all i had to do was put the Rain Dogs page up on my website
as you can see, it’s pretty basic – logline, synopsis and some chat about “the vibe” of the movie ... oh, and a pretty cool poster, even if i do say so myself
WHAT I DIDN’T DO – i am not, nor have i ever been, on Linkedin, Twitter or Facebook (and yes, I know Instagram is owned by Facebook) – frankly, i was never really interested in any of these platforms – and “recent” revelations of their business models has only deepened my disinterest
... that said, Twitter has, of late, gained some cred for (finally) taking a small stand against one of its worst abusers
STAGE FIVE – writing and sending the emails – back in the day, i’d read a lot of “how to write a query letter” articles ... but i thought that in these stressful times, something quick and courteous might be the go
the subject line was: RAIN DOGS available now – and the body of the email read as follows:
the “PLEASE NOTE” section was in small print and (very) occasionally included a personalised note re the recipient’s previous work
included in the 100+ emails were about half-a-dozen recipients who i contacted through their website’s CONTACT FORM
to date, the email blitz has generated nine responses – of which six were a request to see the screenplay
based on my experiences working on direct marketing campaigns back in the day, this response rate was pretty good – whether it was the “brilliance” of the logline or the boredom of iso that got me as many hits as i did, is open to conjecture
i thanked the three “not receiving unsolicited screenplays at this time” for getting back to me, and sent the six interested respondents the screenplay
from the six readers i received two replies ... the responses were mixed
first there was this:
not a great start – and, while i didn’t agree with everything that was written, i appreciated the feedback and thanked them for their time – i finished by writing that i hoped that my next screenplay would be more to their liking
needless to say, i was gutted
and then i got this from a producer/director:
well this is better – no offers or anything, just what appears to be some genuine interest (and a bit of affirmation!) from someone in the industry – i replied, answering their questions and once again, thanked them for their time
The Black List do a good job at keeping you informed of the progress of your screenplay through their system, but even so, i was surprised when i got an email explaining that, due to the fact that they’d received “a higher volume of evaluations lately than we expected” and, as my screenplay had been in queue for over three weeks, i’d be given a month of free hosting for my troubles – so, cool
a couple of days later, i received my evaluation – like the responses to the email blitz, it was mixed:
once again, i (obviously) didn’t agree with everything that was written – but i did appreciate the feedback ... and i would’ve thanked them for their time, if there was some way of contacting them
AT THIS POINT, my initial intention was to discuss the feedback so far – but as i’m waiting on a second evaluation from The Black List, i’ll leave that discussion for another post
despite the “less than glowing” evaluation, i’ve set my preferences on The Black List so that anyone, producers and writers, can read it ... i mean, what’s the point in hiding it? and besides, you never know what may perk someone’s interest in my little story
once i have the second evaluation, which i’ll share here when i get it, i’ll make some final tweaks to the script and re-upload it to the site for another month or two ...
in the meantime, i’m re-writing two screenplays in prep for the “friends read” and developing a couple of other ideas i have ... so, no rest for the wicked
okay ... that all said, there is one thing i would like to address and it’s the term “BLOCKBUSTER” in The Black List evaluation – i think it’s over-egging it a bit – sure, the ending is BIG-ish, but i’ve seen similar pyrotechnics as set pieces mid-season on various streaming series ... so we’re not talking Avengers: End Game here – but then, my understanding of the term may be off
till next time
if you’re like me, one of the things you’re really interested in is, how do real screenwriters work?
what’s their process? where do they start? what “elements” do they develop first before moving on to the next “element”? and so forth and so on …
this is not, I hasten to add, in search of THE PROCESS – I don’t believe such a beast exists – rather it’s in search of various “tools” or “sub-routines” that may be of use … stuff I can borrow and try to see if they work for me
now there’s a lot of stuff out there – blogs, videos, books etc where writers explain how they work and gurus explain how you should work – but i find them all a bit sanitised – I mean they’re all useful to some degree, but most have a similar vibe to Michelangelo’s explanation of how he carved David … “I simply removed all the bits of marble that were not David!”
we can all understand why – I mean these are professional people – they have a rep to protect – fortunately (?) I have no rep, so, in a small effort to bring some balance to the discussion, i thought i’d give you a glimpse into part of the “creative process” (for want of a better term) that lead to Rain Dogs
it doesn’t cover a lot of the process, in fact it focuses on just one thing i tried along the way:
at some point during the writing of Rain Dogs, i read how keeping a writing diary or journal could be beneficial to the process … so i thought i’d give it a go
i’m not sure why – i mean, i guess i may have genuinely thought it might help ... but i suspect it was more the lure of being able to write, to do writery stuff, without the pressure of actually, y’know, producing anything that might one day be read by someone
so, for a short time i kept, or attempted to keep, a “writing diary”
as you will see, it didn’t really work for me – why? – well, i think it was because, released from the need to be concise and focused, i just waffled on and on and on ...
and it wasn’t good waffling – it wasn’t the sort of free association of ideas and observations that (sometimes) lead to a breakthrough or a brilliant insight
no, it was mostly self-indulgent reminiscing – me writing down stuff i already knew, justifying my insecurities, mythologising my struggles, making excuses ...
the entries reproduced below, cover about five months during the writing of Rain Dogs – there were other projects “on the go” at the time, that were also covered in the diary, but i’ve removed any references to them, because, IP
first entry
a week later
another week later
[the above was followed by OVER 800 WORDS! of navel-gazing, time-wasting bullshit which I won’t burden you with]
and another week later
four months later ...
still here? – see?! – a complete waste of time
of course this is NOT to say that diarying is not useful … it was just not useful to me … at the time
surprisingly, two months later i DID have s script i was “comfortable” with and distributed a draft of Rain Dogs to my readers
it got generally favourable reviews and the readers (bless ‘em) were as blunt as they could be about the script’s many shortcomings – encouraged, i dashed back to the keyboard to fix the issues and get it done!
... or at least, that was the plan
still, here we are – a little over a year later and RAIN DOGS is now out in the world and i’m working on getting my NEXT SPECS ready for launch
behind them are more specs in various stages of development – which, i guess, is part of MY PROCESS – roughing out ideas and revisiting them from time to see if they’re still “worth doing” and, if they are, adding ideas and notes to them as they occur to me … which, even as I write this, doesn’t sound particularly productive
but at least i won’t be pissing away any more time on writing a diary! ... that’s what these blogposts are for
;-)
note: image may be highly fanciful
today i’m sending my screenplay Rain Dogs out into the world – “interesting times” – you can learn more about the screenplay HERE
however, if you want to know how the story came about, just keep reading
INSPIRATION
when I was a kid, probably not much older than Casey is in this story, i had a dream – it was short – just an image, really, but for some reason it has stuck with me all these years
in the dream, me and a few mates are out in the street on one of those dark, shapeless, Melbourne-winter days – there was no one else around – no other kids – no adults – no cars – silent
the branches of the plane trees lining the street were bare … and hanging over a branch in one of these trees, we saw a limp, black, Hairy Corpse
we looked at the other trees – some of them had corpses too
i don’t remember being particularly terrified – weirded out, sure – but not panicky … well, not yet
but that was it – dream over
DEVELOPMENT
years later, i still remember it – and so, when i was casting about for a subject for a video short, the Hairy Corpse was there amongst the other ideas, jostling to be noticed
and noticed it was – and immediately there were issues – budget, logistics, aesthetics, story logic and more – they all weighed in with their demands
to answer them, i started changing things – for example, the suburban Melbourne location was swapped for a farmlet on the outskirts of small township, tucked away in a remote mountain range
i wrote the short – an estranged father and his young daughter discover a Hairy Corpse – BUT! – they learn there is another, and this one ISN’T DEAD!
i liked it (the basic scene still appears in the finished screenplay) but it was not a short – instead, it read like an excerpt from a larger story
and so i went searching for the larger story – probably because i thought that that would be easier than getting the short made … yeah, I know
despite my flawed reasoning, i DID find a larger story – and the story grew from a simple, little family survival tale to something a bit ... bigger (in fact, it kept getting SO BIG and that i had to constantly keep hacking it back, in an effort to keep it manageable)
but, as much as things changed and evolved, the one thing i always tried to keep, is that original FEELING the dream gave me – that strange uneasiness we experience when confronted with something inexplicably WEIRD
Rain Dogs is available to read at:
• Script Revolution
• or you can contact me via the contact form.
You can also view the Rain Dogs script packet (including screenplay) at ScriptHop
image borrowed from Ernst Haekel – biologist, philosopher, artist
we all watch horror movies for different reasons
and these reasons can change from day to day – sometimes we’re in the mood for a brooding, atmospheric piece, and the next day we decide that some high-energy carnage is more our speed
and while a lot of fans are happy to flit between subgenres like a vampire bat in a petting zoo, we all have our preferences and so tend to separate out into a number of TYPES
below is my totes unscientific and completely made-up list of the six horror fan types
why six? – “because six be the debil’s number!” [1]
GORE HOUNDS – the type of people non-horror fans think of when they think of “horror fans” – inventive kills and gruesome injuries are their jam – Gore Hounds tend to come in two varieties: the Splatter Punks who revel in the mayhem and chaos, and who aren’t afraid of lashings of black humour – and the Grim Darks who know that life is pain, and anyone who tells you differently is selling something
REALISTS – those who believe that even a whiff of the supernatural or the inclusion of sci-fi elements ruins the movie – for these fans, people are the worst and the horror needs to be real, grim and bleak – these fans are into serial killers and other human monsters – and/or the tragic fallout from natural and man-made disasters
THRILL SEEKERS – fans who (and this may be a tad unfair) consume horror movies the same way others experience rollercoasters – they’re not looking for anything deeper, they’re just there for the ride – if i was trying to score points in a comments section, i might claim that these fans (or at least, the movies that pander to them) are responsible for the current JUMP SCARE! pandemic ... but I would never do that
ARTHOUSE LURKERS – fans who prefer their horror movies to be different – some need the weird artiness to create a safe distance from the unpleasantness on screen – while others have no issues with disturbing ideas and images (the more outré the better!), but have become jaded by the predictability of mainstream horror movies – and some, it has to be admitted, are just complete tossers
AFICIONADOS – aka “Horror Nerds” – fans who are relatively omnivorous when it comes to horror movies – and, unlike many of the other types (Lurkers excepted), they are keen to watch old, black-and-white classics and foreign films with (shudder!) subtitles – they are generally pretty open minded, although most have their preferred genres (and at least one pet hate)
SUBGENRE SPECIALISTS – fans that focus their attention and admiration on one of the major subgenres including, but not limited to: Slasher, Possession, Zombies, Vampires, Werewolves, Action, Psychological, Sci-Fi, Survival, Torture, J-Horror, Creature Features and so on – of course, each of these subgenres can be subdivided again – for example, the subgenre “Creature Feature” is made-up of any number of sub-subgenres, like: nature going crazy, giant mutants, mythic creatures and so on
naturally, there’s a lot of overlap between these types of horror fans – with some overlapping more than others
and yet, if you’ve ever spent any time on a website focused on horror movies (particularly if you dip into the comments) you’ll read a lot of stuff you could do without
aside from so-called fans abusing other commenters and using bigoted language – a lot of commenters express their “opinions” in a way that reads more like statements of fact … and these statements are often expressed rather bluntly (i.e. some fans are just fucking rude)
which is a shame, as it discourages actual discussions between fans … but that is a rant for another time
[1] the oldest version of Revelation 13:15-18 so far discovered gives the Number of the Beast as 616, not the more popular 666 – and while they both got sixes in them, i doubt the current popularity of the number would’ve survived if the original number (616) had been retained – Wikipedia has more here
Disney’s “big bad” – the stuff of nightmares
as a general rule, i’m of the opinion that media images, particularly fantasy images, rarely GIVE kids nightmares
and so those parents who insist on “protecting” their kids from “scary stuff” are wasting their time – particularly if the only reason is to prevent themselves from losing a couple of hours of sleep
the nightmares will still happen, it just won’t be a known entity: “but honey, Ronald is just a corporate shill, he’s not real”
instead it will be some weird, nebulous horror assembled deep in the kid’s subconscious: “but honey, the goldfish is gone, remember? it won’t crawl out of the-- no, not even if it grows crab legs-- because that’s not-- yes, some fish can fly-- no, not like bats-- because they can’t-- who told you? the voice in the air vent?”
see? better the devil you know, i say
having said all that, i do believe media images can provide the CHARACTERS with which to populate a nightmare
when a child’s subconscious vomits up a nightmare (for whatever reason) the nightmare demands some scary avatar to do the heavy lifting – so the subconscious grabs the closest thing at hand which, more often than not, is something the kid has recently seen or read
and so correlation is, in the time honoured tradition, confused with causation
until recently, the only media creation i can remember appearing in one of my nightmares, was when i was a kid – it was the Big Bad Wolf from the animated Disney short, Three Little Pigs - i saw it on an old black-and-white TV and so the Big Bad Wolf in my dream was black-and-white too
i was reminded of Mr. B. B. Wolf recently, when i had the following dream:
[don’t make that face – i promise i’ll make this as quick as possible]
i SCREAMED! – waking myself up ... and my partner (who was not amused)
thinking back, it still stirs the hairs on the back of my neck – brrr!
now i know what you’re thinking: another wolf! – but no, i love dogs and, while i’m very respectful of their non-domesticated cousins, i am unaware of any fears or phobias related to the genus Canis – the genus Crocuta is another thing entirely – hyenas are scary as fuck
leaving aside what, if anything, the dream “meant” – it was pretty easy for me to figure out from which pieces of media my subconscious assembled the Phantastic Mr. Wolf
for a start, i’m currently toying with the idea of retelling a classic werewolf tale – so, lycanthropes have been on my mind
i had also recently read an article on Neil Jordan’s classic 80s movie In the Company of Wolves – not for research, but just because i like the movie – in addition to spooky wolves, the memory of the movie may also have provided the fairytale-like background of the mansion with its overgrown garden
and finally, i had also recently watched a youtube video in praise of "Fantastic Mr Fox” ... although, in Mr Fox’s defence, he’s a charming rogue and nothing like that creepy, uncanny-valley muthafucker that accosted me
which finally brings me to a screenplay-related question
Q: in a movie, could something as hokey as a human-sized, werewolf puppet running around in broad daylight, actually be scary?
sure, it was terrifying in the dream – but dreams can make the most innocuous things absolutely scarifying
and, if confronted with such an “entity” In Real Life, i think most people would be terrified (and possibly shit themselves) – however, it must be admitted, some small children may want to run up and hug it
BUT in a movie?
i think if you showed Phantastic Mr. Wolf running around the overgrown grounds of a mansion, pursuing terrified adults ... most people would laugh and say words to the effect of: “It’s a puppet! How much damage could it do?!” – and so completely miss the point
which i think is a bit of a shame ...
but more on this next time ... or the time after that … definitely soonish!